It's been a while

I have been extremely busy and so it's been a while since I posted. During this time I thought about this blog and how it must appear to someone who just happened upon it. It seems rather dull and lacking. I am still mulling over how to improve it so please be patient with me.

A dream journal like any other journal is mainly for private use and when trying to publish it then it becomes apparent that there is a need to format it in such a way that is more suitable for the public. Not that this blog is meant for general appeal. I am not sure yet which direction this blog is taking, much like the unfolding of life itself, it seems to make sense only in hindsight. Dreams too have a tendency to make sense in hindsight. There is a saying "an unexamined dream is like an unopened letter..." Therefore the intent of this blog is to open the letters and see if we can decipher the message.

Dreams 20

Honeycomb

June 7, 2000

I experienced some lights and a pattern. Could it be that the darkness is now being filled with beautiful lights and patterns? The light was amber / golden and the pattern was like a honeycomb or a kaleidoscope.

Note: Later today I drew this pattern and beginning with an octagon in the center and drawing connecting octagons all around the center, for 8 levels, I reached a total number of 289 octagons. As I kept looking at the drawing I realized that the octagon in the center is not necessary and in fact it is there and not there all at once. So 289 – 1 = 288!

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Husband’s Reflection

June 18, 2000

My husband had just gotten up and was sitting on the edge of the bed. I asked at what time he had fallen asleep and he said 5:30, so I told him I needed a bit more sleep and decided to stay in bed. He came over to kiss me and I saw that his eyes were bluer than before, they were almost glowing, when I told him he decided to go look in the mirror. I was looking at him in the mirror and suddenly I could see through his eyes, it was as though his reflection was actually mine, yet I knew it wasn’t my reflection. I was able to see through his eyes as though they were my eyes.
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Band of Light in Sky

June 19, 2000

I was at my grandmother’s house and while looking through the window I saw: a band of light in the sky. Through the band I could see a planet glowing red – it was Mars. I saw moving stars and caught glimpses of other dimensions through this band. Behind the band of light I could see movement and I saw trees, they looked two-dimensional and suddenly I saw the other dimension unfold. It looked like 5 – like a pentagon. I could see all sides – through it, around it, like cut-outs. (It reminded me of a chain of people cut-out.)
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Muslim Woman

June 21, 2000

I was at the hairdressers and I was a Muslim woman and I was wearing a veil. I had a little bit of makeup on my eyes to cover one of my eyelids. The eyelid was yellow and bumpy. When the hairdresser came back and saw I had put makeup on she said I looked better. She prepared to cut my hair and instead of removing my veil she worked around it. I told her she could remove it to cut my hair but she didn’t want to instead she just slipped it down on my shoulder. While she was cutting my hair someone walked in with my baby. He was a newborn Muslim boy and by his clothing, (white puffy pants, white vest with embroidery on it,) I knew he was from an upper class. He was crying and the nurse comforted him.
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Nothing to Dying

July 3, 2000

A dream voice explained: There’s absolutely nothing to dying! When a person dies, his stuff is distributed, and then life continues again. But this is all an illusion. In fact, when a person dies, he is really awakening to what it is all about. By dying here he is reborn elsewhere.
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Chaos Reigns

July 4, 2000

Chaos would reign the world and an interesting name would be Kate (or Kaye) Osbourne. (The point was to combine the first syllables Ka and Os.) People wouldn’t expect a woman to become such a powerful leader, and she would creep into the powers of different countries would stun everyone. The Dalai Lama would plead for people to be aware of her presence and he would re-enter Tibet. The few monks left in Tibet would march and the monk in the 139th position would be dressed differently than all the others. All the monks would wear yellow or red robes but the 139th would wear grey and he would be marked to die. In the United Stated chaos would reign freely, yet no one would realize that she was there to ultimately ruin them.
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Road Leads to Center of the Lake

July 4, 2000

I was blindfolded at the road that led to the lake. I was going to walk straight forward to the lake but as a joke I turned in the opposite direction and I asked, “If I walked straight in this direction would I also reach the lake?” The answer was yes. The road was built to lead directly to the center of the lake.
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Find Yourself

July 5, 2000

A dream voice said, “To find yourself, to find truth and your calling, then why don’t you practice what you preach? You say that babies are born perfect and all-knowing, then go there and find what you are seeking.
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Two Kims

July 6, 2000

Two Kims had died. One Kim I knew as a child the other Kim was known as “Kim la solitaire” (French for “the solitary.”) In both cases one of their toys (or clocks) had gone off when they died. My mother was scared and wanted me to go over but I couldn’t go right away so I explained to her “the toys go off because of the owner’s energy that had been held in the toy must follow the energy body.” (It was like while alive a person’s energy could be split into many directions and many things and always remaining connected to the person. But when the person died and her energy was being elevated – then all the energy was elevated at once.) One of the Kims toys had been a wind up clown. I theorized that the energy sometimes entered the toy through mechanic devices or more accurately the magnets.
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Dreams 19

Grandpa Appears

March 20, 2000

My best friend had brought me a chemical toilet and had left it at home while I was at work. When I got home and saw it I knew immediately what it was and who it was from. After supper I looked at the toilet and realized it hadn’t been flushed so I flushed it and it began to overflow. I quickly picked it up and brought it to the bathroom but it leaked all the way there making a mess all over the place. I poured the stuff in our own toilet when I heard my best friend walking in and saying how sorry she was. She said that her boyfriend had forgot to clean it first and that she had come to warn me not to flush it but she saw she had been too late. So she helped me clean up the mess.

My friend and I were in the kitchen on our hands and knees scrubbing the floor when she noticed someone sitting at the kitchen table. She whispered to me that it was an old man. Still on my hands and knees I moved towards him and suddenly he looked directly at me and I recognized my grandfather! I was ecstatic and I hugged him and kissed him and I patted his chest and that is when I told my friend it was actually my grandfather. She was unsure at first but as we kept talking she became assured.

By then we were sitting in the living room and I noticed a man sitting next to my grandfather. He was younger (late 20’s early 30’s) and I asked him if he was dead too. He said he wasn’t and so I thought there must be a connection between him and I. I went back to talking with my grandfather and I asked him how long he was here for. He replied, “Six.” (I think he meant, or said 6 days.)

After my grandfather had left we were looking through some files. One of the files contained everything my grandfather had said on this visit. Another friend was with me and she wanted to look through other people’s files. My youngest son had a sore throat so I went over to rock him gently and comfort him.

Earlier when I had been talking to my grandfather I had asked him about my grandmother. He had told me that she was doing great and that I didn’t need to worry about her. I had a vision or a memory of seeing my grandmother and dancing with her.

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Circle Like Home

March 21, 2000

I was riding in a car in Montreal. The street was a circle just like in my hometown except much bigger and the buildings and radiating streets were different. Then I remembered how there was also a circle street in New York and I thought it meant that I was supposed to move there.

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Horizontal Funnel Clouds

March 22, 2000

My husband and I were going to a local restaurant we normally refer to as “Northern.” It was night but I could see strange cloud formations. The clouds looked like tornado funnels that reached the ground. The closer we got to Northern the closer the funnels were approaching. Some of the funnels twisted upwards and across horizontally, reaching from somewhere West to all the way above us. We made it to the restaurant and by then the wind had grown very strong, we knew we couldn’t turn back now. We saw a couple we knew at the restaurant and they asked how bad it was out there. The radio was on. The winds had reached 50 miles per hour and the windows were humming as they trembled from the pressure outside. I called at home to tell my oldest son who was babysitting to go down in the basement and bring my youngest son with him and to stay there until the storm had passed.

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Paper Mache Game

We had moved back to an older apartment but now there were lots of people living there with us. There was a man who had a lot of teenagers. Then I realized that I was covered in Paper Mache and it was a game. When someone was covered in Paper Mache he/she became slave to a master. I had just awakened and my youngest son was playing Master. I played along for awhile and then he went to bed. I was still in Paper Mache when I went to check up on my husband. He was sleeping but there was a man in the room and when he saw I was in game mode he quickly spun a wheel and took out the ring, and then I was under his spell.

Once under the spell, it was like a sort of hypnosis or dream state but a part of me was still aware. The man started playing out scenarios and in one scene he had me trying to give myself a needle of heroine. My husband woke up at that time and tried to stop me but I told him it was just the game. Then my husband explained that if in this state I actually believed it then I could have the same reaction as though it was real. I was insisting that I was aware it was a game and that there was no danger.

Then I began seeing other things. I was able to interpret things objectively and I saw something funny. It was so funny that I began to laugh out loud. (I laughed out loud for real and when my youngest son came in I told him I was having a dream. I can’t remember the specific thing that was so funny.) It was like I could see that everything was an illusion, a perception, and this was funny to me. It was very playful, like life itself was a game or a comedy. Being outside the illusion I saw how quickly everything unfolded, life and death – just an illusion, and everything unfolding just as it should. I saw the futility of trying to change things, to use your will in life or to operate from the ego like performing circus acts, not aware it was all a game and then believing there was a purpose to all of this (illusion.)

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Creation of Illusions

April 17, 2000

The creation of illusions was large tangible head in the sky that was blocking reality. The chipping away at the illusion would eventually uncover a mirror but to those who are in the illusion they would mistake their own reflection for someone else’s.

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Isolated Star

May 31, 2000

A voice said, “We need to find you an isolated star.” The voice continued, “One with no life in a 30 ___ radius. It is the best environment for growth.” But I kept wondering how that could be life sustaining if no life grew near it?

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Emerging Consciousness

June 12, 2000

A dream voice that was also me, said, “Moving in and out of a new, emerging consciousness is so hard. Practice hearing the sounds.” A deaf teenager I know had started hearing slowly for the first time. At first she wasn’t sure what the sounds were.

Dreams 18

Salivary Defect

February 8, 2000

Someone said that a new defect was being seen in the world. Some children were born with dysfunctional salivary glands and this made the saliva highly acidic and caused burns, sores and terrible pain.

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VOG Octagon

February 12, 2000

I saw the following:

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Third Level of Being

February 16, 2000

There was a third level of being. From this level communication and expression was difficult but attempts would be made when the other two levels were ill or damaged.

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Voice on Free Will

February 18, 2000

A voice explained: When you experience psychic phenomena, when you catch a glimpse of your future, then it means that you have somehow changed the course of your life. You see, our life is in part predestined, or already accomplished, but if we go beyond our default settings, then we become free-willed and our future is changed. (Though the final goal remains the same; and no one who remains in default will fully accomplish their goal.)

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The World Stands Still

February 23, 2000

The whole world and everything in it was still. I was able to view everything. All had ceased motion, everything was suspended; it was not in decay because even decay required motion. All was still. All just seemed suspended as if by long invisible strings – like puppets. I was the only animated thing, I had energy coursing through me – actually there was no “Me,” I was merely energy. As I sped about the world and through the world and everything in it I saw how my energy (or my self,) was able to animate these things. I also saw people and all living things completely still and inanimate and as I coursed through them they became animate. It was as though my movement was causing every tiny movement, like a film. And through my movement I was able to move the film along, one frame at a time. But unlike a film where each frame is already photographed, I was able to manipulate each frame singly, changing the course of the film. Although it did appear as though some frames were already photographed there were still many I could change. Or it was more like the frame was there and I could make some changes, like move someone’s arm or change the colour of their hair.

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Multi-Cultural House

March 11, 2000

I had a huge house. It had been built on my grandparents’ land. There were areas inside the house where the design looked like the old house. It had lots of bedrooms, a few living rooms and two kitchens. There was a television and stereo in each room. The basement was divided into many rooms ready to be designed. There was a lower platform where I thought it would be a nice place for a sunken bath. Suddenly, as I was coming back upstairs, the house had begun filling up with people. There were all kinds of people from different cultures and nationalities, and each family had taken up different areas of the house. I remember in one kitchen there was a family of Mennonites; they were talking.

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Silver Sphere Inner Core

March 13, 2000

Whatever is inside of you, that inner core (in the dream it looked like a Silver Sphere,) is neither good nor bad. This core is just, “It is; that it is.” What is good or bad are your extensions and how you experience life will determine “good,” and “bad.” (In my dream) I was wondering if we returned to the state of neither good nor bad regardless of the life we lead. Having no answer I was trying to tell people to open their eyes and be more careful raising children.

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Vaudeville, Germany and a Cat Named Specialist

March 13, 2000

I was hiding in a building with other people. We were portraying ourselves as Vaudeville actors, but we were really from Germany. There were 2 men and I hiding we had been suspected of being Nazi’s because of our cultural heritage. (I didn’t look like I do in waking reality, instead) I had short brown hair in a 40’s style hairdo and I wore an ankle-length, fitted dress with buttons all along the front. Suddenly two soldiers came in and began asking us questions. They asked what was hiding behind the painting on the wall. They tore it off and there was another painting behind it. They tore that one off too and painted directly on the wall was another painting. The soldiers accused us of having painted over the portrait of our “soldier-leader.” I was afraid of being discovered because I was from Germany but I had not been a Nazi. I had not agreed with what the Nazi’s had done but I realized that I had been ignorant, or perhaps had chosen to remain ignorant of the events at that time.

The room was now filled with strangers and there was music and dancing. Someone grabbed me and pulled me on the dance floor – this was a form of interrogation. Someone else was trying measure my height but I stood on the tip of my toes. As I was dancing someone would cut in and interrogate me some more. Finally I was exhausted and managed to get outside for some fresh air and a cigarette. I noticed then that I had been at the Church basement.

Outside I saw the priest with his white cat. He was carrying it inside but when the cat saw me it jumped out of the priest’s arms and came directly to me. I told the priest he had a nice cat but when I saw it up close I noticed it was very pretty at all. It had lots of tufts of missing fur where I could see the dark pink skin underneath and it also had a very large bony face, more like a dog. The priest then said that the cat looked like a “Specialist.” He continued, “You know, a Specialist is an animal from the crocodile family.” The cat was heading back towards the priest when a little girl, wearing a velvet coat with fur around the collar and sleeves, approached the cat. I was afraid that the cat would hurt her.

Dreams 17

Episode of Darkness 1

January 2, 2000

I just woke up from a dream that has me shaking from fear the fear I experienced.

Dream (?): Everything went pitch black, no sound, no sight – nothing! Suddenly I saw a big blinding light, a silver light so bright that I couldn’t see anything but the light. I opened my eyes to look around me to see where I was. I was confused by the setting of my bedroom. I woke up. (I woke up!)

January 3, 2000

Thoughts about Episode of Darkness

It is presently 12:35 am and I am still shaken up by this morning’s dream. When everything went black it wasn’t like lights being turned off, or a dark night, it felt as though “everything,” had just ceased to be, except a tiny speck of which I call my Self. The little speck, a seed containing all that is truly me, was all alone – completely alone! I felt completely at the mercy of my own beingness. Then the sudden flash of silver light, it wasn’t a flash really, it was it was more as though every single particle, eon, photon, molecule, every single thing just suddenly appeared in all their light; as though all the pores lit up at once. But what pores, what things, - they were not there in the black – they just suddenly lit up in the black? Instant creation! I am still frightened and at once bewildered and in awe of this experience.

Earlier this morning while I was recording my dream my youngest son walked in the room and asked me where I’d been. He said he had been in the room earlier and I wasn’t there, my mother had also looked for me. Did I actually disappear? Now I know I’ve lost my mind. I believe that this silver light is connected to the light I have experienced in the past, both in dreams and awake. Maybe I crossed into this light? Maybe I died or experienced death? All I know is that I am really tired right now, but I must admit that I am a bit fearful of what awaits me.

Last night before going to bed I tried an experiment to see if I could see like Nostradamus did. I saw Bill Clinton and another man being held by their throat by a huge man who sort of looked like a Sumo wrestler. I also saw a figure with a long white beard, he was Asian (could it have been Confucius?) I saw a feminine-looking soldier with boyish features, bare faced (no facial hair) and he wore square-shaped glasses. He wore a green uniform and a hat. Maybe it was this experiment that caused the episode of darkness.

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Episode of Darkness 2

January 6, 2000

(I’m not sure that this is a dream any more?)

It seems to me I was partially awake and the sudden black burst was upon me, but I willed myself awake immediately. Again, I was physically affected with fear – racing heart, extreme weakness and trembling. Emotionally I was in complete dread. This blackness feels as though my entire physical system and the awareness of the entire outside physical system just completely shut down. I think it is important to write that when the sudden darkness occurs, either simultaneously or possibly a split-second later, I experienced a sound, a sound as though a huge motor ceased operating; it was like a rumbling sound.

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Snake Show

January 6, 2000

My whole family (including extended family) was playing games. We had divided into groups and in separate rooms we prepared shows or skits. My husband and I were dancing and acting out the words of a song. It was something strange, like out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and he would pull me close to him and kiss me deeply and then push me back. In one song it said, “Make the ugliest face you can,” and both my husband and I began making ugly faces. Someone, possibly my mother, was sitting on the bed watching our show. At one point she began turning into a snake. Her body was like a snake but her head was still human. (The snake/figure looked male and reminded me of Blake’s picture.) Then the figure began eating its own tail and the more of the tail that was eaten the more the figure transformed into a snake, until when it reached the end it was fully transformed into a snake. My husband kept trying to keep me distracted from the transformation of the snake figure and telling me it was jut part of the show and song. When our performance was over it was time for me to be the observer of the other family members’ shows. It seems after that all the shows had something to do with snakes. My youngest son had snakes in his show. My cousin asked me to handle snakes as part of her show. Finally my husband was putting on another show and he asked me to be his assistant. I’d have to be blindfolded and it involved snakes. He asked if I was afraid and I said I wasn’t terribly afraid but not exactly comfortable either. He made me lay down on a bed, tied my hands and then blindfolded me. He then put a pair of snakes on my abdomen and said some words, like a magic spell, and I thought he was going to do a snake charming show but instead the snakes began slithering all over my belly. I began sobbing and crying and then he took the snakes off my belly and let me go wash. While I was washing myself he came to me and said he expected me to finish the show.

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I am dead

January 24, 2000

I was dead and I could see my mother and my aunt and they were sad. I was trying to let them know that it wasn’t so bad but they were so caught up in the grief that they couldn’t see me. I was getting frustrated because I couldn’t communicate with them so I asked a deceased nun to help me. Her name was Sister Marie-Lucie and she helped me show my mother and aunt that I was okay.

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Visible Molecules

January 25, 2000

I was able to see molecules and if something or someone had been standing in a certain area for a while and then left I could see exactly where they had been. The molecules were different colours, red, green, blue, yellow and orange, and they were at different levels of heat. I was able to walk through these and feel them go through me. There was a cluster of molecules in a hallway and I went through them and I saw that it had been an old bed with a spring mattress and four metal posts. Just under the bed I saw heat molecules of a person.

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Ancient City

January 26, 2000

There was a city that had been destroyed, partly because of its social divisions and partly through war. The city was an ancient spiritual center its name started with the letter C (possibly Cabash, or Cabal?) The city was walled and circular and it was considered the hub and all around the city, like spokes, were other towns that were part of the city. The center was reserved for the highly spiritual.

We were restoring the center, re-establishing the spiritual aspect. An old man suddenly appeared at the gate and we let him in. He was in poor shape, old ragged clothing, unshaven and hungry. We fed him, let him bathe and I shaved off his beard. While I was shaving him he asked me for some beads and he seemed to know where they would be found. I went to get them for him and I had at first thought he meant a rosary. Upon closer inspection I saw the beads were made up of rows of 8 or 1 beads, for a total of 84 beads. At the bottom of each strand were long square-like beads. I was wondering if the man was a mystic Jew. He was a mysterious man, at once he would appear totally insane, and the very next instant usually after he’d left the room you would realize the profundity of his words and actions. At one point he had appeared quite tired and I had escorted him to room to rest. We presumed he was sleeping yet someone told us he’d just seen the old man in the library. We said that was impossible because he would never have had enough time to walk, even run, from the bedroom to the library in such little time. But he insisted he’d seen him in the library although he had appeared wispy as though in a spiritual form. So we went to check in his room and there he was sound asleep. Then we checked the library and sure enough he was there too enjoying great books.

There was great controversy over the restoration of the center because of the division between the towns and religions. We had encountered many obstacles meant to throw us off our mission and so we had at first suspected the old man of being a sort of spy. Later we discovered that he was actually there to help us, he had been an original inhabitant of the ancient center. He had been a founder, a leader and an excellent teacher at the center. As I was working at the center I thought how it was like the rebuilding of Jerusalem and I thought how difficult it was to harmonize them all especially the Jews, the Christians and the Moslems, but I wasn’t overwhelmed, it was as though all that was irrelevant. The religion, the creed, the dogma, all were irrelevant, the place was a “spiritual” center therefore it had no religion.

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Reincarnation and 12 Cows

February 7, 2000

I was studying religion at university and a young man (fellow student) asked me if I believed in reincarnation. I told him that I had believed in that ever since I was a very young child. Then I told him a story about the “Turim;” an ancient people. Their legend told of how God had created 12 giant men out of clay, they were moulds, and then God breathed life in their nostrils. The point was that the body is a borrowed shell and life is the breath of God. In their legend there was no mention of women – just 12 men and how they’d been sent out in the world to reproduce amongst other things. But the life (life breath) of the 12 original would never die and when their body died, legend said, a cow would come and hold the life (spirit, soul?) until a new child was born and the soul would then be passed on to the child.

Mainly Sun Dreams Series

The Sun Celebration Dream

November 28, 1999

Part 1:

I had witnessed a primitive dance, celebrating the birth of the sun. According to legend a young woman had seen the sun in a vision and had tried to tell the people about it but because the sun had never been seen they didn’t understand. (In the dream I suddenly take on the role of the woman and experience the following.)

As the days passed following her sun vision the young woman became more depressed as she longed to see the sun. One day, unable to take it any more, she stood facing the east. She held her hands up in desperation and resignation and began to wail. The wailing was uncanny, deep from the soul, it was chant-like so pure and it was even beautiful. “I am dying, I am dying, I am dying,” she chanted. (The words and melody sounded Asian but somehow like it was telepathically translated I was able to understand it.) She kept chanting and she was dying because the vision she’d had had been too much and she couldn’t live like she’d used to.

Then, still standing facing east, her body forming an H, she began to stomp the Earth, stomping in a circle. Suddenly the Earth began to tremble and quake, keeping rhythm with her steps and a glow began to appear in the eastern sky and the sun rose in the East.

A lot of people had gathered around her and their faces shone in the rising sun. They stood there silent and amazed, in absolute wonderment. Then a woman with two heads sharing one body began walking through the crowd. The circle of people let her through and she made her way to the center. In an angelic voice she began to sing. She sang a song of joy and praise and this broke the silence and the feasting began.

Part 2:

I was telling some children about the vision I had experienced and we were going to put up a play depicting the vision. I related the vision in complete detail and the room was silent just as the crowd had been silent. I stood in the center of the room and mimicked the chant, “I am dying, I am dying, I am dying.” I got into the H position and began stomping my feet in a circle. Again the children, and by now some curious adult bystanders, were silent and looked on in wonderment. Although we were in a gymnasium it was as though the first morning was dawning and the crowd were seeing the sun rise for the first time. When I had completed my performance and after a long silent pause someone from the back appeared and started making her way towards the center. She said she wanted to be in the play and be the two headed woman who began the feasting. The silence had been broken and we began assigning parts of the play to the children.

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Halos

December 3, 1999

All night I saw halos of light and of fire. I was being taught about halos. I saw a baby with a halo of fire.

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The Sun Stands Still

December 13, 1999

It was just about New Year’s and I ran back to my mother’s to ask her what we should do or say in the event that it would be… you know – final. (End of the world.) She still insisted not to worry but she ran over to the Church to buy a place in the book. She donated $10 to have my name placed in the book. My aunt came back and she was happy (relieved) that my name had been entered in the book. It was now 12:01 am and my mother exclaimed, “See!” I realized that my youngest son was alone so I bolted out of there to be with him because we didn’t know the exact time it might all end.

It is still just past 12:00 (but I am unsure if it is now pm.) My youngest son and I are sitting in the sun. He has fallen asleep on my lap when the sun suddenly stands still. A huge sweeping golden light jutting out from the sun sweeps the Earth. It hums and swings like a gigantic pendulum and as I watch it sweep over my foot I feel a strangeness in my foot. It is like radiation. Then the sky goes dark, not pitch black, just a greyish dusk, and it will stay like that forever.

Almost everyone and everything has disappeared even the walls of my house are gone. I pick up two tote bags with some of our belongings. There are towels and face cloths, some of my work and a new outfit for my youngest son who (I am made aware) will be a messenger of hope. Then my son and I begin to walk. We see that many large areas of the Earth had become barren, like the moon.

My son’s new outfit was a pair of beige US Army pants with classical insignia on them. I saw they had three red stripes and two sets of yellow arched stripes. At first I was afraid that his outfit would scare the few survivors but then I realized that instead it would offer them a sense of security. It seems we needed to get to Barcelona, where my son and I would be able to partially restore the sun. The moon appeared huge and very close to the Earth and was blocking the sunlight but the bit of sunlight that did get through was seriously high in radiation.

Later I was talking with a black man about the things I had seen, like I was telling him about the dream, and he asked me about the stripes on the suit. He was insistent on knowing if the stripes were indeed red.

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The Sun Game

December 14, 1999

(This is not a dream; it is a conversation with my youngest son about is dream.)

My youngest son woke up in the middle of the night and asked me if I’d heard about a game called, “The Sun.” When I said I hadn’t he explained to me, “when the black dog is upside down and a zero (0) flashes below it, then you have beat the game (or the dog.)”

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Violenta

December 22, 1999

I was in Italy, visiting, and all over town the streets were empty. I could hear the announcer talking about “violenta,” and I wondered if it meant “violin,” or “violence.” I walked past this building with nice cars parked in front. There were lots of cars; I noticed when I got closer. They were all black cars, they were very shiny and expensive looking. I saw some men going into a building and there was a sign that read, “Violenta.” I got scared and thought “what if those guys are bad guys and me standing there staring at them would be asking for it (for trouble.)” So, I crossed the street. Eventually I walked into a building and there were funerals everywhere. On the main floor there were at least 12 rooms, each holding a funeral. I went upstairs and found a coffee room filled with Italians. Someone saw me and called out, “Allo.” I repeated, “allo,” and walked in. A man, sitting by himself on the couch, stood up and motioned for me to join him. I went and whispered, “Francesca ou Englaise,” he smiled and in French, he said, “je parle français.” I looked around the room and noticed the same, “violenta,” signs and people were talking about it. So I asked the man beside me what it meant, but a woman sitting on a chair beside me answered. She said that it had been over 3 months since the Champs des Lauriers had laid off all its workers. She explained that a certain group had threatened the “Champs,” if they didn’t sell. The owner tried to make a stand, a statement on behalf of his workers, but he was murdered. She said that big corporations were running all the businesses and that most of the town and country were unemployed. Then the war began and so far 30,000 people have died. The man beside me had joined in this conversation as well. The man then said a sentence with the word, “Guido,” in it and I told him that I didn’t know that much Italian but he just smiled and told me that I had understood.

The woman had been married 3 times. Her 2nd marriage had been to a very important man – one of the big guys who had overthrew Italy, and she had felt responsible. She had left him because she didn’t agree with what he was doing and she ended up marrying the man who owned the “Champs des Lauriers.” This was his funeral. The place was full of people, the workers who loved him.

Now she was a widow, she was working in a gift shop and the woman she worked for had broken her glass ring that her husband had given her. She had picked up all the pieces and glued them together and made (the shape of) a flower with it. It was like a mirror and she held a rose to it and the rose was reflected perfectly in all of the pieces.

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Full Moon

December 22, 1999

I was still living in a little house I once rented across from my grandparents’ place. I had gone outside to search for the Solstice’s Full moon. The sky was cloudy but began to brighten; it became almost as bright as daylight. I couldn’t see the moon when suddenly my husband shouted, “There it is!” The moon was just above the horizon in the southeast direction and it was rising up from behind a cloud. I looked straight up and noticed that the clouds were travelling really fast. The sky grew brighter still and suddenly the entire full moon was visible. It appeared very big, as big as a building. It was moving quite fast and it looked more like earth, it was bluish and I could see clouds rushing around it. Suddenly I heard a loud cracking noise and I thought it was thunder, but I never found out what it was.

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Train Survey

December 25, 1999

I was on a train with my husband and there as a team of people going from passenger to passenger asking questions, like a survey or contest. When they got closer to us I overheard them asking a woman a question, “Which government if any do you have most confidence in?” The woman replied, “That’s easy. I have absolute faith in so-and-so and so does my friend so-and-so.” (I don’t remember the names.) I told my husband that I’d like a question like that. Then a woman came to ask him questions and my husband was playing dumb. He was being sarcastic. Then a man came to ask me questions. He handed me the question on a small wooden block. It said, “I have a dream.” I was puzzled and the man said it went with something else. He opened a box and in a slot, number 28, there was a t-shirt that went with the question. I opened it up and on the front of the t-shirt it said, “I have a dream. I have a castle.” In the center was a large, bright yellow circle, it was a sun. On the bottom it read, “2nd award,” (or reward,) and the man said that I’d been granted another sign. He said it was very special and by then lots of people had gathered around me and they took my picture. Later I was telling my husband about the signs that I had received in previous dreams.

Dreams 15

Someone Keeps Stealing my Corpse

September 21, 1999

I was a man and I had died. I was laying in my coffin and I was able to hear and see everything. Someone kept stealing my corpse. I was also my female self and related to the dead man, his sister. As his sister I was always out fetching the stolen body of my brother and bringing him back. At one point, as I lay in the coffin, something opened up at my feet – like a screen. I realized I’d been granted a gift and a glimpse of the “other side.” I see a sky and it is brightly illumined and I’m told that I can keep my body and bring it with me on either side. If I stay I will remain aware of the “other side,” and I’ll be able to travel back and forth. Then there is a crazy woman who is trying to stab me but I am already dead.

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Gave Birth to Twins

September 27, 1999

I had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl. I was so surprised that I had forgotten their time of birth and weight, but I remembered that the baby boy had been born first. Sometimes the babies were cats or turkeys and at one point someone asked how I could have given birth to turkeys and I was really hurt and said I didn’t know but that I loved them anyways. As I was doing groceries with the twins I had a hard time holding on to the girl, she was always so weak and listless but the boy was active and strong. The girl kept slipping out of my arms so I wrapped both the boy and girl in a blanket together to make it easier to carry them. I couldn’t decide on names for them so I went through some old religious books that had belonged to my mother as a child to try and find appropriate names for them.

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Sign from Vishnu

October 18, 1999

I was doing the motions as a dream voice explained, “Cross the path of rocks; sit cross-legged on the bamboo steps going down the mountain; at each step I must make four movements using my arms and torso towards the sky.” When I reached the bottom a little white bird appeared with a strange black marking. The voice said that it was a sign from Vishnu.

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End of the World at 1:00 am

October 26, 1999

It was going to be the end of the world at 1:00 am and that afternoon I was at work in a basement bookstore. My husband owned the bookstore and he’d just sold a very expensive book to a customer and when his wife asked to borrow a book my husband allowed her to borrow it. Then my ex-mother-in-law called and asked if she could borrow a book and my husband replied that he wasn’t a library. I was offended and so I paid for the book she wanted to borrow and I left to bring it to her. Later that night I was at home with my husband and two sons. I asked my husband what he was planning on doing before the world ended and he said he wasn’t going to do anything, he was just going to go to sleep. When 1:00 am approached everyone except my youngest son and I was sleeping. We looked out the kitchen window at the full moon that brightened the sky. All was till when suddenly a man with white hair was walking on our street. Then I realized he was an Apocalyptic Angel, here to choose and sort the people. I got scared and shut the curtain but my son and I had enjoyed the moon so much that we decided to sneak outside and watch the moon some more.

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Three Old Ladies

November 5, 1999

I was walking along the main road in my hometown and I acme across three old ladies. I stopped to talk with them. Then they began to dance and I joined in and started tap-dancing. One of the old ladies said she had known my grandfather and then she said I’d gotten the gift of dancing from him.

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Crossing the River with a Black Woman

November 5, 1999

I had to cross a bridge over a river. The river was on the main road of my hometown, where there is actually a creek. There was a black woman with me and I told her I was afraid of bridges. Then I realized it wasn’t so much the bridge but the rover below. I managed to cross the bridge but I did it on my hands and knees.

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Disks Rotating Around the Horizon

November 11, 1999

On the horizon I saw huge disks, as big as the setting sun. The disks were revolving around the horizon from East to North and each disk rotated counter-clockwise. There were 9 disks because (in the dream,) I exclaimed, “My 9 spheres.” Each sphere was a different colour and had different characteristics. The blue one had a constellation of stars circling it, clock-wise from Earth to Sky. The red one had a ring that also circled it.

Later that day the sky looked funny/strange. It was like the sky was made of a thick substance, like a mattress. The sky was blue and everywhere there were whitish-grey spheres embedded in the thick substance. They did not move, (they looked like what BB pellets would look like if shot at a wall and had penetrated the first layer.) Surrounding each of the spheres were white clouds,

Later, at night, the sky was pitch black except for tiny sparkles from the stars, there was no moon present. I could hear a strange blip-like noise, an electronic sound, and this scared me. Up in the sky the stars formed constellations that I’ve never seen before.

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Grandmother’s Eyes

November 12, 18 and 21, 1999

My grandmother was sick, on her deathbed, and we were watching over her at home in the living room. There were lots of people present because someone else had recently died, it was a neighbour. A lamp had been taken of its stand and I had to ask my grandmother how to put it back together. She had a very hard time opening her eyes but she managed to say my name.

I was visiting my grandparents’ house although it was demolished. It was like a mental voyage and my ex-mother-in-law was with me. She was scared because she knew the house was demolished and she couldn’t figure out why she could see it. She took a stick and poked through an open window at the curtains, trying to get a view into the living room. I told her to stop and that she didn’t have to be afraid that we (my mother and aunt) visited there often. I managed to convince her to come inside and have a look. She was afraid but followed me around.

We were at my grandparents’ house and nobody loved the boy (I don’t know who he was except that) he was my brother. My grandmother was sick and so we had moved her to my old apartment across the street. I went back to my old place to visit my grandmother. My aunt and her daughter had also moved in with my grandmother and I couldn’t figure out how they all fit in that small apartment. I went to my grandmother’s room and visited with her. When she realized it was me she was very happy to see me. I kissed her and looked into her eyes; they were all weird and rolled in her head, then they just looked cloudy and there was something about her pupils.

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Digital Clocks 7:71 and 7:75

November 23, 1999

The time on two different digital clocks read 7:71 and 7:75 while the regular clock read 1:00. I lived in a nice brick bungalow and my husband was going to be back late so I was supposed to leave a door unlocked for him. I was standing outside when I noticed a red light in the sky and I realized it was a star (or planet) and right next to it was a gigantic white star about half the size of the moon. This scared me and so I went back in the house and locked the door and decided to wait up until my husband got home.

Mandalas 4

These were the final mandalas in this group:

Dreams 14

Talking Doll and Otto Preminger

August 20, 1999

I was at home in the basement, (a strange new place, not at all like my current home.) I was rearranging things and going through some games I had purchased at a flea market. My friend walked n and I asked if she would come by tonight to play some games but she made an excuse and left. When I went upstairs and all kinds of people (old friends, felt like a surprise party for me,) were preparing the dinner table. One of my friends (actually the youngest daughter of my mother’s ex-boyfriend) was there and I was surprised. I asked if she still lived in town and she did. We remarked how we only saw each other at doctors, dentists or optometrists’ offices – always in medical places. Then someone walked in with a baby girl and handed her to me. I rocked her in the rocking chair and talked to her and suddenly she began talking back. Her speech became progressively better. Finally she asked me some tough questions of which she knew the answers. That’s when I realized it was a trick (I think the baby was a doll set up with a microphone and the voice was a husky female voice.) Then someone announced a surprise visitor – Otto Preminger was coming to dinner.

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Church Steeple Fire

August 21, 1999

The Church in my neighbourhood was on fire. The cars were moving aside to let the fire trucks go through traffic but the cars were so preoccupied that they were driving on the sidewalks and I had to walk in people’s yards. I looked at the Church and then I saw the steeple was full of flames and suddenly it came crashing down. I walked into my childhood home and simultaneously I walked into my grandparents’ home. I told my mother and grandmother what was going on.

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Secret Castle

August 21, 1999

As I saw a secret castle a dream voice was telling me, “The secret castle has many rooms and levels. There is a big treasure in the 6th but watch out for the ‘bad guy’ in the 8th, and then escape using the 11th and the 5th. To get to the 11th you must run between the floors on the 9th and finally in the 11th you are trapped in a cage that transforms into an elevator and protects you from all outside forces and brings you to the entrance of the cave.

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Macrocosmic to Microcosmic

August 26, 1999

A dream voice told me, “To solve a problem bring it to its ultimate. If your problem is microcosmic enlarge it until you see/find your solution. If your problem is macrocosmic reduce it until you find your solution. You can reduce the macrocosmic and enlarge the microcosmic because they are the same.”

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German Soldier and Jung

September 2, 1999

I was dating a German soldier. I think I was a spy. He was expecting a call from a superior and as soon as the phone rang and he picked up he began speaking German. Then he looked towards me and smilingly said, “…Jung,” and “Lister…” and in reply to this (as though I’d understood part of what he said,) I said, “Because she likes to read.” I had translated his sentence although I didn’t know a word in German. He looked at me as though he hadn’t understood my words and waved for me to be quiet. Then I thought to myself I’d better be quiet because if suddenly I could understand German then I would able to spy much more efficiently.

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Strange Men in Rafters and Freaky Cat

September 3, 1999

My oldest son, my cousin and I were sitting in the living room. Suddenly we caught sight of something on the ceiling. The attic door was open and there was a doll hanging there. My oldest son giggled so I knew he’d put it there as a prank. My cousin had screamed when she saw it. I had a freaky black cat that had a white twin. The two cats communicated telepathically. My black cat was meowing eerily and circling me and I began to wonder if he was going to attack me. I decided to pet him and then the white cat came and they were okay – like all along the black cat had wanted to be reunited with the white one. I decided to have a look at the attic once again and I noticed woollen things between the rafters, like scarves and blankets. Suddenly pairs of eyes opened between each rafter, the wool was actually the clothing of the strange men hiding between the rafters.

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Rabelais Loves Me

September 7, 1999

I met a young man who had bought me a card with the name “Rabelais,” written on it. (There were other names that I don’t remember.) It was a singing card. Later I went to an office and met a young man whose name was “Rabelais,” and I realized I’d had a dream (within a dream.) Rabelais was a lawyer and he was in love with me. Every time he greeted me with warm hugs, kisses and he often gave me gifts. On this occasion he had bought me a statue of a bird and he said it reminded him of me. When my husband had found out he had become jealous.

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Street Fight in Imagination and Flying Lamb

September 11, 1999

A group of us were outside downtown when suddenly a fight broke out. Everyone was fighting and I was fending off attackers. One guy (a client from work) came at me and I flipped him to the ground and then another guy came at me and I flipped him to but his face hit the sidewalk and I heard a loud crack and saw blood come from his mouth. Then the scene suddenly transforms and it is night but we are all still together downtown. We realize that the whole fight had not really occurred, it had been a figment of my client’s imagination and we had relived it. Suddenly I see a bird on the roof of a nearby building. It is large, white and squawking. I ask everyone what kind of bird it is, I was wondering if it might be an ostrich or a turkey. Suddenly it flies down and begins running about on four legs so I realize it is not a bird. I see it is a white lamb and I was instantly filled with a deep sense of peace and I knew I’d been granted a gift. Everyone was asking me what it meant but I was unable to explain, I was so peaceful and felt a strong sense of inner power.

More Dreams (from Book Three)

Mandala of Landmark Experiences

July 12, 1999

I am shown a mandala. All around the circle are images of all my landmark experiences and memories. There is something in the center unfortunately I forgot what it was when I woke up.

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Black, Pregnant and 17

July 12, 1999

I was a black girl, I was 17 years old and I didn’t know how to dance. Two friends showed me how and when I got the hang of it I began dancing around the hall holding an ice cream cone. I dances around and gave people a bite of my ice cream. It was a dance and there were people drinking but I wasn’t because I was pregnant.

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Standing on the Universe

July 13, 1999

A dream voice said, “Standing on a chair that is on a table that is on the floor that is on a house that is on the Earth that is on the Universe…”

(Note: This dream was very crucial for me. It was this image that propelled me into deep states of meditation on many occasions.)

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My Husband a Wizard

July 13, 1999

I woke up (within the dream) and found my husband in the bathroom. When I went to check on what he was doing he ran away from me. As he was running down the stairs I called him and when he turned around I noticed a big change in him. At first I only noticed he’d shaven off his moustache. But then as he approached I noticed he had long blond hair. I followed him back into the bathroom and I asked him where he had gotten the hair and I realized he had pasted my fresh cut hair on his head. Then he rearranged his hair and he looked like Einstein. He went back downstairs and I sat on the landing upstairs. Suddenly he appeared at the bottom of the stairs wearing a hooded cape. It was dark-coloured (Navy blue) with silver stars on it. Suddenly he leaped up a bunch of stairs, it didn’t seem natural, then he jumped again and he grabbed my legs. I asked him to stop because I was scared but he never even acknowledged me (like he couldn’t hear me.) He reminded me of some underworld creature. Suddenly another “him” appeared beside me upstairs. I had no escape and so I decided to resign to my fear.

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Transgress Numbers

July 26, 1999

A dream voice said, “Transgress numbers! Numbers are alive and moving, not like animals, but like running water. You can arrest time, like freezing water; it is all in the numbers. Do not regress the numbers – but transgress them. (An additional note, as though the voice was reiterating the point,) “The water freezes because of the movement and it remains in this state because of the stillness.

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Awareness

July 27, 1999

A dream voice explained, “We are born out of Awareness. Out of Awareness we are given a tiny speck of awareness. Awareness is that which gives us existence. When our tiny speck connects with the Whole Awareness it feels like sexual pleasure and we are filled all knowledge (Gnosis.) Just as we do not require active thought for our hearts to beat we can live without active awareness. Our awareness is like a telephone that connects to the Whole Awareness but we are rarely plugged in, so even if the Whole Awareness would give you insight (and if you are not plugged) you cannot hear it or receive it.

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Acknowledging the Opposites

August 4, 1999

A dream voice said, “In order to feel love you must know hate. You must acknowledge the opposites because denying them is rejecting their opposite! Let’s say that you deny hate, you do not acknowledge its existence within you then love will not come to you because it is channelled through the same source as hate.”

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Daughter of a Witch

August 17, 1999

I was a young woman, maybe 17 or 18 years old. My mother was a witch, not a Walt Disney sort of witch; really she was just considered a heretic within the Catholic community. We lived in our own community where we were tolerated. My mother put on a long semi-hooded robe, it was pink, and she instructed me to do the same and meet her outside. She left with my younger sister and brother (about 4 and 2 years old) they had a different father than me. I had a hard time putting on my robe, it was heavy but of soft material. Once I had it on it dragged on the floor and it was very difficult to move in it. I was thinking that maybe one day the villagers would turn on us but then I realized that even the other witches considered us heretics to their beliefs. I walked along the courtyard shyly not looking at anyone and made it to my mother’s quarters. My siblings were preparing their tiny beds and my mother was in her bed with her second husband. There was no room left for me so I volunteered to sleep outside if she could only lend me some woollen socks. She didn’t have any but she gave me a piece of cloth to wrap my feet in. We lived in a walled village and so outdoors offered lots of shelter from the elements, yet we could still see the sky above.

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Golden Flower

August 18, 1999

My mother, my youngest son, and I were visiting a woman I knew from work (a regular client.) My son was playing in another room with another little boy. It was near Christmas and there was wrapped gifts all over a table and we had to pick one. I picked one and inside the box was a set of earrings with a matching ring; they had matching blue gems except the gems on the earrings were lined in gold petals (to look like flowers.) My mother opened her gift and it was identical to mine. The woman opened hers and it was earrings and a necklace but her earrings were broken. I joked and said she could always use them to hang things on them and I hung her necklace on them to show her. Suddenly I saw a large golden flower in my gift box. (The flower was identical to the one I drew in this journal on July 18, 1999, except it was a real flower and more vivid.)



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