Dreams 19

Grandpa Appears

March 20, 2000

My best friend had brought me a chemical toilet and had left it at home while I was at work. When I got home and saw it I knew immediately what it was and who it was from. After supper I looked at the toilet and realized it hadn’t been flushed so I flushed it and it began to overflow. I quickly picked it up and brought it to the bathroom but it leaked all the way there making a mess all over the place. I poured the stuff in our own toilet when I heard my best friend walking in and saying how sorry she was. She said that her boyfriend had forgot to clean it first and that she had come to warn me not to flush it but she saw she had been too late. So she helped me clean up the mess.

My friend and I were in the kitchen on our hands and knees scrubbing the floor when she noticed someone sitting at the kitchen table. She whispered to me that it was an old man. Still on my hands and knees I moved towards him and suddenly he looked directly at me and I recognized my grandfather! I was ecstatic and I hugged him and kissed him and I patted his chest and that is when I told my friend it was actually my grandfather. She was unsure at first but as we kept talking she became assured.

By then we were sitting in the living room and I noticed a man sitting next to my grandfather. He was younger (late 20’s early 30’s) and I asked him if he was dead too. He said he wasn’t and so I thought there must be a connection between him and I. I went back to talking with my grandfather and I asked him how long he was here for. He replied, “Six.” (I think he meant, or said 6 days.)

After my grandfather had left we were looking through some files. One of the files contained everything my grandfather had said on this visit. Another friend was with me and she wanted to look through other people’s files. My youngest son had a sore throat so I went over to rock him gently and comfort him.

Earlier when I had been talking to my grandfather I had asked him about my grandmother. He had told me that she was doing great and that I didn’t need to worry about her. I had a vision or a memory of seeing my grandmother and dancing with her.

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Circle Like Home

March 21, 2000

I was riding in a car in Montreal. The street was a circle just like in my hometown except much bigger and the buildings and radiating streets were different. Then I remembered how there was also a circle street in New York and I thought it meant that I was supposed to move there.

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Horizontal Funnel Clouds

March 22, 2000

My husband and I were going to a local restaurant we normally refer to as “Northern.” It was night but I could see strange cloud formations. The clouds looked like tornado funnels that reached the ground. The closer we got to Northern the closer the funnels were approaching. Some of the funnels twisted upwards and across horizontally, reaching from somewhere West to all the way above us. We made it to the restaurant and by then the wind had grown very strong, we knew we couldn’t turn back now. We saw a couple we knew at the restaurant and they asked how bad it was out there. The radio was on. The winds had reached 50 miles per hour and the windows were humming as they trembled from the pressure outside. I called at home to tell my oldest son who was babysitting to go down in the basement and bring my youngest son with him and to stay there until the storm had passed.

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Paper Mache Game

We had moved back to an older apartment but now there were lots of people living there with us. There was a man who had a lot of teenagers. Then I realized that I was covered in Paper Mache and it was a game. When someone was covered in Paper Mache he/she became slave to a master. I had just awakened and my youngest son was playing Master. I played along for awhile and then he went to bed. I was still in Paper Mache when I went to check up on my husband. He was sleeping but there was a man in the room and when he saw I was in game mode he quickly spun a wheel and took out the ring, and then I was under his spell.

Once under the spell, it was like a sort of hypnosis or dream state but a part of me was still aware. The man started playing out scenarios and in one scene he had me trying to give myself a needle of heroine. My husband woke up at that time and tried to stop me but I told him it was just the game. Then my husband explained that if in this state I actually believed it then I could have the same reaction as though it was real. I was insisting that I was aware it was a game and that there was no danger.

Then I began seeing other things. I was able to interpret things objectively and I saw something funny. It was so funny that I began to laugh out loud. (I laughed out loud for real and when my youngest son came in I told him I was having a dream. I can’t remember the specific thing that was so funny.) It was like I could see that everything was an illusion, a perception, and this was funny to me. It was very playful, like life itself was a game or a comedy. Being outside the illusion I saw how quickly everything unfolded, life and death – just an illusion, and everything unfolding just as it should. I saw the futility of trying to change things, to use your will in life or to operate from the ego like performing circus acts, not aware it was all a game and then believing there was a purpose to all of this (illusion.)

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Creation of Illusions

April 17, 2000

The creation of illusions was large tangible head in the sky that was blocking reality. The chipping away at the illusion would eventually uncover a mirror but to those who are in the illusion they would mistake their own reflection for someone else’s.

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Isolated Star

May 31, 2000

A voice said, “We need to find you an isolated star.” The voice continued, “One with no life in a 30 ___ radius. It is the best environment for growth.” But I kept wondering how that could be life sustaining if no life grew near it?

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Emerging Consciousness

June 12, 2000

A dream voice that was also me, said, “Moving in and out of a new, emerging consciousness is so hard. Practice hearing the sounds.” A deaf teenager I know had started hearing slowly for the first time. At first she wasn’t sure what the sounds were.

Dreams 18

Salivary Defect

February 8, 2000

Someone said that a new defect was being seen in the world. Some children were born with dysfunctional salivary glands and this made the saliva highly acidic and caused burns, sores and terrible pain.

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VOG Octagon

February 12, 2000

I saw the following:

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Third Level of Being

February 16, 2000

There was a third level of being. From this level communication and expression was difficult but attempts would be made when the other two levels were ill or damaged.

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Voice on Free Will

February 18, 2000

A voice explained: When you experience psychic phenomena, when you catch a glimpse of your future, then it means that you have somehow changed the course of your life. You see, our life is in part predestined, or already accomplished, but if we go beyond our default settings, then we become free-willed and our future is changed. (Though the final goal remains the same; and no one who remains in default will fully accomplish their goal.)

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The World Stands Still

February 23, 2000

The whole world and everything in it was still. I was able to view everything. All had ceased motion, everything was suspended; it was not in decay because even decay required motion. All was still. All just seemed suspended as if by long invisible strings – like puppets. I was the only animated thing, I had energy coursing through me – actually there was no “Me,” I was merely energy. As I sped about the world and through the world and everything in it I saw how my energy (or my self,) was able to animate these things. I also saw people and all living things completely still and inanimate and as I coursed through them they became animate. It was as though my movement was causing every tiny movement, like a film. And through my movement I was able to move the film along, one frame at a time. But unlike a film where each frame is already photographed, I was able to manipulate each frame singly, changing the course of the film. Although it did appear as though some frames were already photographed there were still many I could change. Or it was more like the frame was there and I could make some changes, like move someone’s arm or change the colour of their hair.

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Multi-Cultural House

March 11, 2000

I had a huge house. It had been built on my grandparents’ land. There were areas inside the house where the design looked like the old house. It had lots of bedrooms, a few living rooms and two kitchens. There was a television and stereo in each room. The basement was divided into many rooms ready to be designed. There was a lower platform where I thought it would be a nice place for a sunken bath. Suddenly, as I was coming back upstairs, the house had begun filling up with people. There were all kinds of people from different cultures and nationalities, and each family had taken up different areas of the house. I remember in one kitchen there was a family of Mennonites; they were talking.

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Silver Sphere Inner Core

March 13, 2000

Whatever is inside of you, that inner core (in the dream it looked like a Silver Sphere,) is neither good nor bad. This core is just, “It is; that it is.” What is good or bad are your extensions and how you experience life will determine “good,” and “bad.” (In my dream) I was wondering if we returned to the state of neither good nor bad regardless of the life we lead. Having no answer I was trying to tell people to open their eyes and be more careful raising children.

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Vaudeville, Germany and a Cat Named Specialist

March 13, 2000

I was hiding in a building with other people. We were portraying ourselves as Vaudeville actors, but we were really from Germany. There were 2 men and I hiding we had been suspected of being Nazi’s because of our cultural heritage. (I didn’t look like I do in waking reality, instead) I had short brown hair in a 40’s style hairdo and I wore an ankle-length, fitted dress with buttons all along the front. Suddenly two soldiers came in and began asking us questions. They asked what was hiding behind the painting on the wall. They tore it off and there was another painting behind it. They tore that one off too and painted directly on the wall was another painting. The soldiers accused us of having painted over the portrait of our “soldier-leader.” I was afraid of being discovered because I was from Germany but I had not been a Nazi. I had not agreed with what the Nazi’s had done but I realized that I had been ignorant, or perhaps had chosen to remain ignorant of the events at that time.

The room was now filled with strangers and there was music and dancing. Someone grabbed me and pulled me on the dance floor – this was a form of interrogation. Someone else was trying measure my height but I stood on the tip of my toes. As I was dancing someone would cut in and interrogate me some more. Finally I was exhausted and managed to get outside for some fresh air and a cigarette. I noticed then that I had been at the Church basement.

Outside I saw the priest with his white cat. He was carrying it inside but when the cat saw me it jumped out of the priest’s arms and came directly to me. I told the priest he had a nice cat but when I saw it up close I noticed it was very pretty at all. It had lots of tufts of missing fur where I could see the dark pink skin underneath and it also had a very large bony face, more like a dog. The priest then said that the cat looked like a “Specialist.” He continued, “You know, a Specialist is an animal from the crocodile family.” The cat was heading back towards the priest when a little girl, wearing a velvet coat with fur around the collar and sleeves, approached the cat. I was afraid that the cat would hurt her.

Dreams 17

Episode of Darkness 1

January 2, 2000

I just woke up from a dream that has me shaking from fear the fear I experienced.

Dream (?): Everything went pitch black, no sound, no sight – nothing! Suddenly I saw a big blinding light, a silver light so bright that I couldn’t see anything but the light. I opened my eyes to look around me to see where I was. I was confused by the setting of my bedroom. I woke up. (I woke up!)

January 3, 2000

Thoughts about Episode of Darkness

It is presently 12:35 am and I am still shaken up by this morning’s dream. When everything went black it wasn’t like lights being turned off, or a dark night, it felt as though “everything,” had just ceased to be, except a tiny speck of which I call my Self. The little speck, a seed containing all that is truly me, was all alone – completely alone! I felt completely at the mercy of my own beingness. Then the sudden flash of silver light, it wasn’t a flash really, it was it was more as though every single particle, eon, photon, molecule, every single thing just suddenly appeared in all their light; as though all the pores lit up at once. But what pores, what things, - they were not there in the black – they just suddenly lit up in the black? Instant creation! I am still frightened and at once bewildered and in awe of this experience.

Earlier this morning while I was recording my dream my youngest son walked in the room and asked me where I’d been. He said he had been in the room earlier and I wasn’t there, my mother had also looked for me. Did I actually disappear? Now I know I’ve lost my mind. I believe that this silver light is connected to the light I have experienced in the past, both in dreams and awake. Maybe I crossed into this light? Maybe I died or experienced death? All I know is that I am really tired right now, but I must admit that I am a bit fearful of what awaits me.

Last night before going to bed I tried an experiment to see if I could see like Nostradamus did. I saw Bill Clinton and another man being held by their throat by a huge man who sort of looked like a Sumo wrestler. I also saw a figure with a long white beard, he was Asian (could it have been Confucius?) I saw a feminine-looking soldier with boyish features, bare faced (no facial hair) and he wore square-shaped glasses. He wore a green uniform and a hat. Maybe it was this experiment that caused the episode of darkness.

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Episode of Darkness 2

January 6, 2000

(I’m not sure that this is a dream any more?)

It seems to me I was partially awake and the sudden black burst was upon me, but I willed myself awake immediately. Again, I was physically affected with fear – racing heart, extreme weakness and trembling. Emotionally I was in complete dread. This blackness feels as though my entire physical system and the awareness of the entire outside physical system just completely shut down. I think it is important to write that when the sudden darkness occurs, either simultaneously or possibly a split-second later, I experienced a sound, a sound as though a huge motor ceased operating; it was like a rumbling sound.

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Snake Show

January 6, 2000

My whole family (including extended family) was playing games. We had divided into groups and in separate rooms we prepared shows or skits. My husband and I were dancing and acting out the words of a song. It was something strange, like out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and he would pull me close to him and kiss me deeply and then push me back. In one song it said, “Make the ugliest face you can,” and both my husband and I began making ugly faces. Someone, possibly my mother, was sitting on the bed watching our show. At one point she began turning into a snake. Her body was like a snake but her head was still human. (The snake/figure looked male and reminded me of Blake’s picture.) Then the figure began eating its own tail and the more of the tail that was eaten the more the figure transformed into a snake, until when it reached the end it was fully transformed into a snake. My husband kept trying to keep me distracted from the transformation of the snake figure and telling me it was jut part of the show and song. When our performance was over it was time for me to be the observer of the other family members’ shows. It seems after that all the shows had something to do with snakes. My youngest son had snakes in his show. My cousin asked me to handle snakes as part of her show. Finally my husband was putting on another show and he asked me to be his assistant. I’d have to be blindfolded and it involved snakes. He asked if I was afraid and I said I wasn’t terribly afraid but not exactly comfortable either. He made me lay down on a bed, tied my hands and then blindfolded me. He then put a pair of snakes on my abdomen and said some words, like a magic spell, and I thought he was going to do a snake charming show but instead the snakes began slithering all over my belly. I began sobbing and crying and then he took the snakes off my belly and let me go wash. While I was washing myself he came to me and said he expected me to finish the show.

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I am dead

January 24, 2000

I was dead and I could see my mother and my aunt and they were sad. I was trying to let them know that it wasn’t so bad but they were so caught up in the grief that they couldn’t see me. I was getting frustrated because I couldn’t communicate with them so I asked a deceased nun to help me. Her name was Sister Marie-Lucie and she helped me show my mother and aunt that I was okay.

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Visible Molecules

January 25, 2000

I was able to see molecules and if something or someone had been standing in a certain area for a while and then left I could see exactly where they had been. The molecules were different colours, red, green, blue, yellow and orange, and they were at different levels of heat. I was able to walk through these and feel them go through me. There was a cluster of molecules in a hallway and I went through them and I saw that it had been an old bed with a spring mattress and four metal posts. Just under the bed I saw heat molecules of a person.

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Ancient City

January 26, 2000

There was a city that had been destroyed, partly because of its social divisions and partly through war. The city was an ancient spiritual center its name started with the letter C (possibly Cabash, or Cabal?) The city was walled and circular and it was considered the hub and all around the city, like spokes, were other towns that were part of the city. The center was reserved for the highly spiritual.

We were restoring the center, re-establishing the spiritual aspect. An old man suddenly appeared at the gate and we let him in. He was in poor shape, old ragged clothing, unshaven and hungry. We fed him, let him bathe and I shaved off his beard. While I was shaving him he asked me for some beads and he seemed to know where they would be found. I went to get them for him and I had at first thought he meant a rosary. Upon closer inspection I saw the beads were made up of rows of 8 or 1 beads, for a total of 84 beads. At the bottom of each strand were long square-like beads. I was wondering if the man was a mystic Jew. He was a mysterious man, at once he would appear totally insane, and the very next instant usually after he’d left the room you would realize the profundity of his words and actions. At one point he had appeared quite tired and I had escorted him to room to rest. We presumed he was sleeping yet someone told us he’d just seen the old man in the library. We said that was impossible because he would never have had enough time to walk, even run, from the bedroom to the library in such little time. But he insisted he’d seen him in the library although he had appeared wispy as though in a spiritual form. So we went to check in his room and there he was sound asleep. Then we checked the library and sure enough he was there too enjoying great books.

There was great controversy over the restoration of the center because of the division between the towns and religions. We had encountered many obstacles meant to throw us off our mission and so we had at first suspected the old man of being a sort of spy. Later we discovered that he was actually there to help us, he had been an original inhabitant of the ancient center. He had been a founder, a leader and an excellent teacher at the center. As I was working at the center I thought how it was like the rebuilding of Jerusalem and I thought how difficult it was to harmonize them all especially the Jews, the Christians and the Moslems, but I wasn’t overwhelmed, it was as though all that was irrelevant. The religion, the creed, the dogma, all were irrelevant, the place was a “spiritual” center therefore it had no religion.

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Reincarnation and 12 Cows

February 7, 2000

I was studying religion at university and a young man (fellow student) asked me if I believed in reincarnation. I told him that I had believed in that ever since I was a very young child. Then I told him a story about the “Turim;” an ancient people. Their legend told of how God had created 12 giant men out of clay, they were moulds, and then God breathed life in their nostrils. The point was that the body is a borrowed shell and life is the breath of God. In their legend there was no mention of women – just 12 men and how they’d been sent out in the world to reproduce amongst other things. But the life (life breath) of the 12 original would never die and when their body died, legend said, a cow would come and hold the life (spirit, soul?) until a new child was born and the soul would then be passed on to the child.