Dreams, Visions and Contemplations

It's been a while

2007-01-26T16:49:00.000-05:00

I have been extremely busy and so it's been a while since I posted. During this time I thought about this blog and how it must appear to someone who just happened upon it. It seems rather dull and lacking. I am still mulling over how to improve it so please be patient with me.

A dream journal like any other journal is mainly for private use and when trying to publish it then it becomes apparent that there is a need to format it in such a way that is more suitable for the public. Not that this blog is meant for general appeal. I am not sure yet which direction this blog is taking, much like the unfolding of life itself, it seems to make sense only in hindsight. Dreams too have a tendency to make sense in hindsight. There is a saying "an unexamined dream is like an unopened letter..." Therefore the intent of this blog is to open the letters and see if we can decipher the message.

Dreams 20

2006-10-30T14:49:00.000-05:00

Honeycomb

June 7, 2000

I experienced some lights and a pattern. Could it be that the darkness is now being filled with beautiful lights and patterns? The light was amber / golden and the pattern was like a honeycomb or a kaleidoscope.

Note: Later today I drew this pattern and beginning with an octagon in the center and drawing connecting octagons all around the center, for 8 levels, I reached a total number of 289 octagons. As I kept looking at the drawing I realized that the octagon in the center is not necessary and in fact it is there and not there all at once. So 289 – 1 = 288!

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Husband’s Reflection

June 18, 2000

My husband had just gotten up and was sitting on the edge of the bed. I asked at what time he had fallen asleep and he said 5:30, so I told him I needed a bit more sleep and decided to stay in bed. He came over to kiss me and I saw that his eyes were bluer than before, they were almost glowing, when I told him he decided to go look in the mirror. I was looking at him in the mirror and suddenly I could see through his eyes, it was as though his reflection was actually mine, yet I knew it wasn’t my reflection. I was able to see through his eyes as though they were my eyes.
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Band of Light in Sky

June 19, 2000

I was at my grandmother’s house and while looking through the window I saw: a band of light in the sky. Through the band I could see a planet glowing red – it was Mars. I saw moving stars and caught glimpses of other dimensions through this band. Behind the band of light I could see movement and I saw trees, they looked two-dimensional and suddenly I saw the other dimension unfold. It looked like 5 – like a pentagon. I could see all sides – through it, around it, like cut-outs. (It reminded me of a chain of people cut-out.)
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Muslim Woman

June 21, 2000

I was at the hairdressers and I was a Muslim woman and I was wearing a veil. I had a little bit of makeup on my eyes to cover one of my eyelids. The eyelid was yellow and bumpy. When the hairdresser came back and saw I had put makeup on she said I looked better. She prepared to cut my hair and instead of removing my veil she worked around it. I told her she could remove it to cut my hair but she didn’t want to instead she just slipped it down on my shoulder. While she was cutting my hair someone walked in with my baby. He was a newborn Muslim boy and by his clothing, (white puffy pants, white vest with embroidery on it,) I knew he was from an upper class. He was crying and the nurse comforted him.
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Nothing to Dying

July 3, 2000

A dream voice explained: There’s absolutely nothing to dying! When a person dies, his stuff is distributed, and then life continues again. But this is all an illusion. In fact, when a person dies, he is really awakening to what it is all about. By dying here he is reborn elsewhere.
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Chaos Reigns

July 4, 2000

Chaos would reign the world and an interesting name would be Kate (or Kaye) Osbourne. (The point was to combine the first syllables Ka and Os.) People wouldn’t expect a woman to become such a powerful leader, and she would creep into the powers of different countries would stun everyone. The Dalai Lama would plead for people to be aware of her presence and he would re-enter Tibet. The few monks left in Tibet would march and the monk in the 139th position would be dressed differently than all the others. All the monks would wear yellow or red robes but the 139th would wear grey and he would be marked to die. In the United Stated chaos would reign freely, yet no one would realize that she was there to ultimately ruin them.
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Road Leads to Center of the Lake

July 4, 2000

I was blindfolded at the road that led to the lake. I was going to walk straight forward to the lake but as a joke I turned in the opposite direction and I asked, “If I walked straight in this direction would I also reach the lake?” The answer was yes. The road was built to lead directly to the center of the lake.
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Find Yourself

July 5, 2000

A dream voice said, “To find yourself, to find truth and your calling, then why don’t you practice what you preach? You say that babies are born perfect and all-knowing, then go there and find what you are seeking.
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Two Kims

July 6, 2000

Two Kims had died. One Kim I knew as a child the other Kim was known as “Kim la solitaire” (French for “the solitary.”) In both cases one of their toys (or clocks) had gone off when they died. My mother was scared and wanted me to go over but I couldn’t go right away so I explained to her “the toys go off because of the owner’s energy that had been held in the toy must follow the energy body.” (It was like while alive a person’s energy could be split into many directions and many things and always remaining connected to the person. But when the person died and her energy was being elevated – then all the energy was elevated at once.) One of the Kims toys had been a wind up clown. I theorized that the energy sometimes entered the toy through mechanic devices or more accurately the magnets.
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Dreams 19

2006-09-24T09:57:00.000-04:00

Grandpa Appears

March 20, 2000

My best friend had brought me a chemical toilet and had left it at home while I was at work. When I got home and saw it I knew immediately what it was and who it was from. After supper I looked at the toilet and realized it hadn’t been flushed so I flushed it and it began to overflow. I quickly picked it up and brought it to the bathroom but it leaked all the way there making a mess all over the place. I poured the stuff in our own toilet when I heard my best friend walking in and saying how sorry she was. She said that her boyfriend had forgot to clean it first and that she had come to warn me not to flush it but she saw she had been too late. So she helped me clean up the mess.

My friend and I were in the kitchen on our hands and knees scrubbing the floor when she noticed someone sitting at the kitchen table. She whispered to me that it was an old man. Still on my hands and knees I moved towards him and suddenly he looked directly at me and I recognized my grandfather! I was ecstatic and I hugged him and kissed him and I patted his chest and that is when I told my friend it was actually my grandfather. She was unsure at first but as we kept talking she became assured.

By then we were sitting in the living room and I noticed a man sitting next to my grandfather. He was younger (late 20’s early 30’s) and I asked him if he was dead too. He said he wasn’t and so I thought there must be a connection between him and I. I went back to talking with my grandfather and I asked him how long he was here for. He replied, “Six.” (I think he meant, or said 6 days.)

After my grandfather had left we were looking through some files. One of the files contained everything my grandfather had said on this visit. Another friend was with me and she wanted to look through other people’s files. My youngest son had a sore throat so I went over to rock him gently and comfort him.

Earlier when I had been talking to my grandfather I had asked him about my grandmother. He had told me that she was doing great and that I didn’t need to worry about her. I had a vision or a memory of seeing my grandmother and dancing with her.

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Circle Like Home

March 21, 2000

I was riding in a car in Montreal. The street was a circle just like in my hometown except much bigger and the buildings and radiating streets were different. Then I remembered how there was also a circle street in New York and I thought it meant that I was supposed to move there.

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Horizontal Funnel Clouds

March 22, 2000

My husband and I were going to a local restaurant we normally refer to as “Northern.” It was night but I could see strange cloud formations. The clouds looked like tornado funnels that reached the ground. The closer we got to Northern the closer the funnels were approaching. Some of the funnels twisted upwards and across horizontally, reaching from somewhere West to all the way above us. We made it to the restaurant and by then the wind had grown very strong, we knew we couldn’t turn back now. We saw a couple we knew at the restaurant and they asked how bad it was out there. The radio was on. The winds had reached 50 miles per hour and the windows were humming as they trembled from the pressure outside. I called at home to tell my oldest son who was babysitting to go down in the basement and bring my youngest son with him and to stay there until the storm had passed.

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Paper Mache Game

We had moved back to an older apartment but now there were lots of people living there with us. There was a man who had a lot of teenagers. Then I realized that I was covered in Paper Mache and it was a game. When someone was covered in Paper Mache he/she became slave to a master. I had just awakened and my youngest son was playing Master. I played along for awhile and then he went to bed. I was still in Paper Mache when I went to check up on my husband. He was sleeping but there was a man in the room and when he saw I was in game mode he quickly spun a wheel and took out the ring, and then I was under his spell.

Once under the spell, it was like a sort of hypnosis or dream state but a part of me was still aware. The man started playing out scenarios and in one scene he had me trying to give myself a needle of heroine. My husband woke up at that time and tried to stop me but I told him it was just the game. Then my husband explained that if in this state I actually believed it then I could have the same reaction as though it was real. I was insisting that I was aware it was a game and that there was no danger.

Then I began seeing other things. I was able to interpret things objectively and I saw something funny. It was so funny that I began to laugh out loud. (I laughed out loud for real and when my youngest son came in I told him I was having a dream. I can’t remember the specific thing that was so funny.) It was like I could see that everything was an illusion, a perception, and this was funny to me. It was very playful, like life itself was a game or a comedy. Being outside the illusion I saw how quickly everything unfolded, life and death – just an illusion, and everything unfolding just as it should. I saw the futility of trying to change things, to use your will in life or to operate from the ego like performing circus acts, not aware it was all a game and then believing there was a purpose to all of this (illusion.)

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Creation of Illusions

April 17, 2000

The creation of illusions was large tangible head in the sky that was blocking reality. The chipping away at the illusion would eventually uncover a mirror but to those who are in the illusion they would mistake their own reflection for someone else’s.

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Isolated Star

May 31, 2000

A voice said, “We need to find you an isolated star.” The voice continued, “One with no life in a 30 ___ radius. It is the best environment for growth.” But I kept wondering how that could be life sustaining if no life grew near it?

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Emerging Consciousness

June 12, 2000

A dream voice that was also me, said, “Moving in and out of a new, emerging consciousness is so hard. Practice hearing the sounds.” A deaf teenager I know had started hearing slowly for the first time. At first she wasn’t sure what the sounds were.

Dreams 18

2006-09-21T10:20:00.000-04:00

Salivary Defect

February 8, 2000

Someone said that a new defect was being seen in the world. Some children were born with dysfunctional salivary glands and this made the saliva highly acidic and caused burns, sores and terrible pain.

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VOG Octagon

February 12, 2000

I saw the following:

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Third Level of Being

February 16, 2000

There was a third level of being. From this level communication and expression was difficult but attempts would be made when the other two levels were ill or damaged.

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Voice on Free Will

February 18, 2000

A voice explained: When you experience psychic phenomena, when you catch a glimpse of your future, then it means that you have somehow changed the course of your life. You see, our life is in part predestined, or already accomplished, but if we go beyond our default settings, then we become free-willed and our future is changed. (Though the final goal remains the same; and no one who remains in default will fully accomplish their goal.)

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The World Stands Still

February 23, 2000

The whole world and everything in it was still. I was able to view everything. All had ceased motion, everything was suspended; it was not in decay because even decay required motion. All was still. All just seemed suspended as if by long invisible strings – like puppets. I was the only animated thing, I had energy coursing through me – actually there was no “Me,” I was merely energy. As I sped about the world and through the world and everything in it I saw how my energy (or my self,) was able to animate these things. I also saw people and all living things completely still and inanimate and as I coursed through them they became animate. It was as though my movement was causing every tiny movement, like a film. And through my movement I was able to move the film along, one frame at a time. But unlike a film where each frame is already photographed, I was able to manipulate each frame singly, changing the course of the film. Although it did appear as though some frames were already photographed there were still many I could change. Or it was more like the frame was there and I could make some changes, like move someone’s arm or change the colour of their hair.

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Multi-Cultural House

March 11, 2000

I had a huge house. It had been built on my grandparents’ land. There were areas inside the house where the design looked like the old house. It had lots of bedrooms, a few living rooms and two kitchens. There was a television and stereo in each room. The basement was divided into many rooms ready to be designed. There was a lower platform where I thought it would be a nice place for a sunken bath. Suddenly, as I was coming back upstairs, the house had begun filling up with people. There were all kinds of people from different cultures and nationalities, and each family had taken up different areas of the house. I remember in one kitchen there was a family of Mennonites; they were talking.

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Silver Sphere Inner Core

March 13, 2000

Whatever is inside of you, that inner core (in the dream it looked like a Silver Sphere,) is neither good nor bad. This core is just, “It is; that it is.” What is good or bad are your extensions and how you experience life will determine “good,” and “bad.” (In my dream) I was wondering if we returned to the state of neither good nor bad regardless of the life we lead. Having no answer I was trying to tell people to open their eyes and be more careful raising children.

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Vaudeville, Germany and a Cat Named Specialist

March 13, 2000

I was hiding in a building with other people. We were portraying ourselves as Vaudeville actors, but we were really from Germany. There were 2 men and I hiding we had been suspected of being Nazi’s because of our cultural heritage. (I didn’t look like I do in waking reality, instead) I had short brown hair in a 40’s style hairdo and I wore an ankle-length, fitted dress with buttons all along the front. Suddenly two soldiers came in and began asking us questions. They asked what was hiding behind the painting on the wall. They tore it off and there was another painting behind it. They tore that one off too and painted directly on the wall was another painting. The soldiers accused us of having painted over the portrait of our “soldier-leader.” I was afraid of being discovered because I was from Germany but I had not been a Nazi. I had not agreed with what the Nazi’s had done but I realized that I had been ignorant, or perhaps had chosen to remain ignorant of the events at that time.

The room was now filled with strangers and there was music and dancing. Someone grabbed me and pulled me on the dance floor – this was a form of interrogation. Someone else was trying measure my height but I stood on the tip of my toes. As I was dancing someone would cut in and interrogate me some more. Finally I was exhausted and managed to get outside for some fresh air and a cigarette. I noticed then that I had been at the Church basement.

Outside I saw the priest with his white cat. He was carrying it inside but when the cat saw me it jumped out of the priest’s arms and came directly to me. I told the priest he had a nice cat but when I saw it up close I noticed it was very pretty at all. It had lots of tufts of missing fur where I could see the dark pink skin underneath and it also had a very large bony face, more like a dog. The priest then said that the cat looked like a “Specialist.” He continued, “You know, a Specialist is an animal from the crocodile family.” The cat was heading back towards the priest when a little girl, wearing a velvet coat with fur around the collar and sleeves, approached the cat. I was afraid that the cat would hurt her.

Dreams 17

2006-09-07T10:48:00.000-04:00

Episode of Darkness 1

January 2, 2000

I just woke up from a dream that has me shaking from fear the fear I experienced.

Dream (?): Everything went pitch black, no sound, no sight – nothing! Suddenly I saw a big blinding light, a silver light so bright that I couldn’t see anything but the light. I opened my eyes to look around me to see where I was. I was confused by the setting of my bedroom. I woke up. (I woke up!)

January 3, 2000

Thoughts about Episode of Darkness

It is presently 12:35 am and I am still shaken up by this morning’s dream. When everything went black it wasn’t like lights being turned off, or a dark night, it felt as though “everything,” had just ceased to be, except a tiny speck of which I call my Self. The little speck, a seed containing all that is truly me, was all alone – completely alone! I felt completely at the mercy of my own beingness. Then the sudden flash of silver light, it wasn’t a flash really, it was it was more as though every single particle, eon, photon, molecule, every single thing just suddenly appeared in all their light; as though all the pores lit up at once. But what pores, what things, - they were not there in the black – they just suddenly lit up in the black? Instant creation! I am still frightened and at once bewildered and in awe of this experience.

Earlier this morning while I was recording my dream my youngest son walked in the room and asked me where I’d been. He said he had been in the room earlier and I wasn’t there, my mother had also looked for me. Did I actually disappear? Now I know I’ve lost my mind. I believe that this silver light is connected to the light I have experienced in the past, both in dreams and awake. Maybe I crossed into this light? Maybe I died or experienced death? All I know is that I am really tired right now, but I must admit that I am a bit fearful of what awaits me.

Last night before going to bed I tried an experiment to see if I could see like Nostradamus did. I saw Bill Clinton and another man being held by their throat by a huge man who sort of looked like a Sumo wrestler. I also saw a figure with a long white beard, he was Asian (could it have been Confucius?) I saw a feminine-looking soldier with boyish features, bare faced (no facial hair) and he wore square-shaped glasses. He wore a green uniform and a hat. Maybe it was this experiment that caused the episode of darkness.

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Episode of Darkness 2

January 6, 2000

(I’m not sure that this is a dream any more?)

It seems to me I was partially awake and the sudden black burst was upon me, but I willed myself awake immediately. Again, I was physically affected with fear – racing heart, extreme weakness and trembling. Emotionally I was in complete dread. This blackness feels as though my entire physical system and the awareness of the entire outside physical system just completely shut down. I think it is important to write that when the sudden darkness occurs, either simultaneously or possibly a split-second later, I experienced a sound, a sound as though a huge motor ceased operating; it was like a rumbling sound.

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Snake Show

January 6, 2000

My whole family (including extended family) was playing games. We had divided into groups and in separate rooms we prepared shows or skits. My husband and I were dancing and acting out the words of a song. It was something strange, like out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and he would pull me close to him and kiss me deeply and then push me back. In one song it said, “Make the ugliest face you can,” and both my husband and I began making ugly faces. Someone, possibly my mother, was sitting on the bed watching our show. At one point she began turning into a snake. Her body was like a snake but her head was still human. (The snake/figure looked male and reminded me of Blake’s picture.) Then the figure began eating its own tail and the more of the tail that was eaten the more the figure transformed into a snake, until when it reached the end it was fully transformed into a snake. My husband kept trying to keep me distracted from the transformation of the snake figure and telling me it was jut part of the show and song. When our performance was over it was time for me to be the observer of the other family members’ shows. It seems after that all the shows had something to do with snakes. My youngest son had snakes in his show. My cousin asked me to handle snakes as part of her show. Finally my husband was putting on another show and he asked me to be his assistant. I’d have to be blindfolded and it involved snakes. He asked if I was afraid and I said I wasn’t terribly afraid but not exactly comfortable either. He made me lay down on a bed, tied my hands and then blindfolded me. He then put a pair of snakes on my abdomen and said some words, like a magic spell, and I thought he was going to do a snake charming show but instead the snakes began slithering all over my belly. I began sobbing and crying and then he took the snakes off my belly and let me go wash. While I was washing myself he came to me and said he expected me to finish the show.

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I am dead

January 24, 2000

I was dead and I could see my mother and my aunt and they were sad. I was trying to let them know that it wasn’t so bad but they were so caught up in the grief that they couldn’t see me. I was getting frustrated because I couldn’t communicate with them so I asked a deceased nun to help me. Her name was Sister Marie-Lucie and she helped me show my mother and aunt that I was okay.

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Visible Molecules

January 25, 2000

I was able to see molecules and if something or someone had been standing in a certain area for a while and then left I could see exactly where they had been. The molecules were different colours, red, green, blue, yellow and orange, and they were at different levels of heat. I was able to walk through these and feel them go through me. There was a cluster of molecules in a hallway and I went through them and I saw that it had been an old bed with a spring mattress and four metal posts. Just under the bed I saw heat molecules of a person.

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Ancient City

January 26, 2000

There was a city that had been destroyed, partly because of its social divisions and partly through war. The city was an ancient spiritual center its name started with the letter C (possibly Cabash, or Cabal?) The city was walled and circular and it was considered the hub and all around the city, like spokes, were other towns that were part of the city. The center was reserved for the highly spiritual.

We were restoring the center, re-establishing the spiritual aspect. An old man suddenly appeared at the gate and we let him in. He was in poor shape, old ragged clothing, unshaven and hungry. We fed him, let him bathe and I shaved off his beard. While I was shaving him he asked me for some beads and he seemed to know where they would be found. I went to get them for him and I had at first thought he meant a rosary. Upon closer inspection I saw the beads were made up of rows of 8 or 1 beads, for a total of 84 beads. At the bottom of each strand were long square-like beads. I was wondering if the man was a mystic Jew. He was a mysterious man, at once he would appear totally insane, and the very next instant usually after he’d left the room you would realize the profundity of his words and actions. At one point he had appeared quite tired and I had escorted him to room to rest. We presumed he was sleeping yet someone told us he’d just seen the old man in the library. We said that was impossible because he would never have had enough time to walk, even run, from the bedroom to the library in such little time. But he insisted he’d seen him in the library although he had appeared wispy as though in a spiritual form. So we went to check in his room and there he was sound asleep. Then we checked the library and sure enough he was there too enjoying great books.

There was great controversy over the restoration of the center because of the division between the towns and religions. We had encountered many obstacles meant to throw us off our mission and so we had at first suspected the old man of being a sort of spy. Later we discovered that he was actually there to help us, he had been an original inhabitant of the ancient center. He had been a founder, a leader and an excellent teacher at the center. As I was working at the center I thought how it was like the rebuilding of Jerusalem and I thought how difficult it was to harmonize them all especially the Jews, the Christians and the Moslems, but I wasn’t overwhelmed, it was as though all that was irrelevant. The religion, the creed, the dogma, all were irrelevant, the place was a “spiritual” center therefore it had no religion.

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Reincarnation and 12 Cows

February 7, 2000

I was studying religion at university and a young man (fellow student) asked me if I believed in reincarnation. I told him that I had believed in that ever since I was a very young child. Then I told him a story about the “Turim;” an ancient people. Their legend told of how God had created 12 giant men out of clay, they were moulds, and then God breathed life in their nostrils. The point was that the body is a borrowed shell and life is the breath of God. In their legend there was no mention of women – just 12 men and how they’d been sent out in the world to reproduce amongst other things. But the life (life breath) of the 12 original would never die and when their body died, legend said, a cow would come and hold the life (spirit, soul?) until a new child was born and the soul would then be passed on to the child.

Mainly Sun Dreams Series

2006-08-26T15:20:00.000-04:00

The Sun Celebration Dream

November 28, 1999

Part 1:

I had witnessed a primitive dance, celebrating the birth of the sun. According to legend a young woman had seen the sun in a vision and had tried to tell the people about it but because the sun had never been seen they didn’t understand. (In the dream I suddenly take on the role of the woman and experience the following.)

As the days passed following her sun vision the young woman became more depressed as she longed to see the sun. One day, unable to take it any more, she stood facing the east. She held her hands up in desperation and resignation and began to wail. The wailing was uncanny, deep from the soul, it was chant-like so pure and it was even beautiful. “I am dying, I am dying, I am dying,” she chanted. (The words and melody sounded Asian but somehow like it was telepathically translated I was able to understand it.) She kept chanting and she was dying because the vision she’d had had been too much and she couldn’t live like she’d used to.

Then, still standing facing east, her body forming an H, she began to stomp the Earth, stomping in a circle. Suddenly the Earth began to tremble and quake, keeping rhythm with her steps and a glow began to appear in the eastern sky and the sun rose in the East.

A lot of people had gathered around her and their faces shone in the rising sun. They stood there silent and amazed, in absolute wonderment. Then a woman with two heads sharing one body began walking through the crowd. The circle of people let her through and she made her way to the center. In an angelic voice she began to sing. She sang a song of joy and praise and this broke the silence and the feasting began.

Part 2:

I was telling some children about the vision I had experienced and we were going to put up a play depicting the vision. I related the vision in complete detail and the room was silent just as the crowd had been silent. I stood in the center of the room and mimicked the chant, “I am dying, I am dying, I am dying.” I got into the H position and began stomping my feet in a circle. Again the children, and by now some curious adult bystanders, were silent and looked on in wonderment. Although we were in a gymnasium it was as though the first morning was dawning and the crowd were seeing the sun rise for the first time. When I had completed my performance and after a long silent pause someone from the back appeared and started making her way towards the center. She said she wanted to be in the play and be the two headed woman who began the feasting. The silence had been broken and we began assigning parts of the play to the children.

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Halos

December 3, 1999

All night I saw halos of light and of fire. I was being taught about halos. I saw a baby with a halo of fire.

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The Sun Stands Still

December 13, 1999

It was just about New Year’s and I ran back to my mother’s to ask her what we should do or say in the event that it would be… you know – final. (End of the world.) She still insisted not to worry but she ran over to the Church to buy a place in the book. She donated $10 to have my name placed in the book. My aunt came back and she was happy (relieved) that my name had been entered in the book. It was now 12:01 am and my mother exclaimed, “See!” I realized that my youngest son was alone so I bolted out of there to be with him because we didn’t know the exact time it might all end.

It is still just past 12:00 (but I am unsure if it is now pm.) My youngest son and I are sitting in the sun. He has fallen asleep on my lap when the sun suddenly stands still. A huge sweeping golden light jutting out from the sun sweeps the Earth. It hums and swings like a gigantic pendulum and as I watch it sweep over my foot I feel a strangeness in my foot. It is like radiation. Then the sky goes dark, not pitch black, just a greyish dusk, and it will stay like that forever.

Almost everyone and everything has disappeared even the walls of my house are gone. I pick up two tote bags with some of our belongings. There are towels and face cloths, some of my work and a new outfit for my youngest son who (I am made aware) will be a messenger of hope. Then my son and I begin to walk. We see that many large areas of the Earth had become barren, like the moon.

My son’s new outfit was a pair of beige US Army pants with classical insignia on them. I saw they had three red stripes and two sets of yellow arched stripes. At first I was afraid that his outfit would scare the few survivors but then I realized that instead it would offer them a sense of security. It seems we needed to get to Barcelona, where my son and I would be able to partially restore the sun. The moon appeared huge and very close to the Earth and was blocking the sunlight but the bit of sunlight that did get through was seriously high in radiation.

Later I was talking with a black man about the things I had seen, like I was telling him about the dream, and he asked me about the stripes on the suit. He was insistent on knowing if the stripes were indeed red.

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The Sun Game

December 14, 1999

(This is not a dream; it is a conversation with my youngest son about is dream.)

My youngest son woke up in the middle of the night and asked me if I’d heard about a game called, “The Sun.” When I said I hadn’t he explained to me, “when the black dog is upside down and a zero (0) flashes below it, then you have beat the game (or the dog.)”

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Violenta

December 22, 1999

I was in Italy, visiting, and all over town the streets were empty. I could hear the announcer talking about “violenta,” and I wondered if it meant “violin,” or “violence.” I walked past this building with nice cars parked in front. There were lots of cars; I noticed when I got closer. They were all black cars, they were very shiny and expensive looking. I saw some men going into a building and there was a sign that read, “Violenta.” I got scared and thought “what if those guys are bad guys and me standing there staring at them would be asking for it (for trouble.)” So, I crossed the street. Eventually I walked into a building and there were funerals everywhere. On the main floor there were at least 12 rooms, each holding a funeral. I went upstairs and found a coffee room filled with Italians. Someone saw me and called out, “Allo.” I repeated, “allo,” and walked in. A man, sitting by himself on the couch, stood up and motioned for me to join him. I went and whispered, “Francesca ou Englaise,” he smiled and in French, he said, “je parle français.” I looked around the room and noticed the same, “violenta,” signs and people were talking about it. So I asked the man beside me what it meant, but a woman sitting on a chair beside me answered. She said that it had been over 3 months since the Champs des Lauriers had laid off all its workers. She explained that a certain group had threatened the “Champs,” if they didn’t sell. The owner tried to make a stand, a statement on behalf of his workers, but he was murdered. She said that big corporations were running all the businesses and that most of the town and country were unemployed. Then the war began and so far 30,000 people have died. The man beside me had joined in this conversation as well. The man then said a sentence with the word, “Guido,” in it and I told him that I didn’t know that much Italian but he just smiled and told me that I had understood.

The woman had been married 3 times. Her 2nd marriage had been to a very important man – one of the big guys who had overthrew Italy, and she had felt responsible. She had left him because she didn’t agree with what he was doing and she ended up marrying the man who owned the “Champs des Lauriers.” This was his funeral. The place was full of people, the workers who loved him.

Now she was a widow, she was working in a gift shop and the woman she worked for had broken her glass ring that her husband had given her. She had picked up all the pieces and glued them together and made (the shape of) a flower with it. It was like a mirror and she held a rose to it and the rose was reflected perfectly in all of the pieces.

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Full Moon

December 22, 1999

I was still living in a little house I once rented across from my grandparents’ place. I had gone outside to search for the Solstice’s Full moon. The sky was cloudy but began to brighten; it became almost as bright as daylight. I couldn’t see the moon when suddenly my husband shouted, “There it is!” The moon was just above the horizon in the southeast direction and it was rising up from behind a cloud. I looked straight up and noticed that the clouds were travelling really fast. The sky grew brighter still and suddenly the entire full moon was visible. It appeared very big, as big as a building. It was moving quite fast and it looked more like earth, it was bluish and I could see clouds rushing around it. Suddenly I heard a loud cracking noise and I thought it was thunder, but I never found out what it was.

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Train Survey

December 25, 1999

I was on a train with my husband and there as a team of people going from passenger to passenger asking questions, like a survey or contest. When they got closer to us I overheard them asking a woman a question, “Which government if any do you have most confidence in?” The woman replied, “That’s easy. I have absolute faith in so-and-so and so does my friend so-and-so.” (I don’t remember the names.) I told my husband that I’d like a question like that. Then a woman came to ask him questions and my husband was playing dumb. He was being sarcastic. Then a man came to ask me questions. He handed me the question on a small wooden block. It said, “I have a dream.” I was puzzled and the man said it went with something else. He opened a box and in a slot, number 28, there was a t-shirt that went with the question. I opened it up and on the front of the t-shirt it said, “I have a dream. I have a castle.” In the center was a large, bright yellow circle, it was a sun. On the bottom it read, “2nd award,” (or reward,) and the man said that I’d been granted another sign. He said it was very special and by then lots of people had gathered around me and they took my picture. Later I was telling my husband about the signs that I had received in previous dreams.

Dreams 15

2006-08-21T10:04:00.000-04:00

Someone Keeps Stealing my Corpse

September 21, 1999

I was a man and I had died. I was laying in my coffin and I was able to hear and see everything. Someone kept stealing my corpse. I was also my female self and related to the dead man, his sister. As his sister I was always out fetching the stolen body of my brother and bringing him back. At one point, as I lay in the coffin, something opened up at my feet – like a screen. I realized I’d been granted a gift and a glimpse of the “other side.” I see a sky and it is brightly illumined and I’m told that I can keep my body and bring it with me on either side. If I stay I will remain aware of the “other side,” and I’ll be able to travel back and forth. Then there is a crazy woman who is trying to stab me but I am already dead.

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Gave Birth to Twins

September 27, 1999

I had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl. I was so surprised that I had forgotten their time of birth and weight, but I remembered that the baby boy had been born first. Sometimes the babies were cats or turkeys and at one point someone asked how I could have given birth to turkeys and I was really hurt and said I didn’t know but that I loved them anyways. As I was doing groceries with the twins I had a hard time holding on to the girl, she was always so weak and listless but the boy was active and strong. The girl kept slipping out of my arms so I wrapped both the boy and girl in a blanket together to make it easier to carry them. I couldn’t decide on names for them so I went through some old religious books that had belonged to my mother as a child to try and find appropriate names for them.

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Sign from Vishnu

October 18, 1999

I was doing the motions as a dream voice explained, “Cross the path of rocks; sit cross-legged on the bamboo steps going down the mountain; at each step I must make four movements using my arms and torso towards the sky.” When I reached the bottom a little white bird appeared with a strange black marking. The voice said that it was a sign from Vishnu.

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End of the World at 1:00 am

October 26, 1999

It was going to be the end of the world at 1:00 am and that afternoon I was at work in a basement bookstore. My husband owned the bookstore and he’d just sold a very expensive book to a customer and when his wife asked to borrow a book my husband allowed her to borrow it. Then my ex-mother-in-law called and asked if she could borrow a book and my husband replied that he wasn’t a library. I was offended and so I paid for the book she wanted to borrow and I left to bring it to her. Later that night I was at home with my husband and two sons. I asked my husband what he was planning on doing before the world ended and he said he wasn’t going to do anything, he was just going to go to sleep. When 1:00 am approached everyone except my youngest son and I was sleeping. We looked out the kitchen window at the full moon that brightened the sky. All was till when suddenly a man with white hair was walking on our street. Then I realized he was an Apocalyptic Angel, here to choose and sort the people. I got scared and shut the curtain but my son and I had enjoyed the moon so much that we decided to sneak outside and watch the moon some more.

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Three Old Ladies

November 5, 1999

I was walking along the main road in my hometown and I acme across three old ladies. I stopped to talk with them. Then they began to dance and I joined in and started tap-dancing. One of the old ladies said she had known my grandfather and then she said I’d gotten the gift of dancing from him.

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Crossing the River with a Black Woman

November 5, 1999

I had to cross a bridge over a river. The river was on the main road of my hometown, where there is actually a creek. There was a black woman with me and I told her I was afraid of bridges. Then I realized it wasn’t so much the bridge but the rover below. I managed to cross the bridge but I did it on my hands and knees.

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Disks Rotating Around the Horizon

November 11, 1999

On the horizon I saw huge disks, as big as the setting sun. The disks were revolving around the horizon from East to North and each disk rotated counter-clockwise. There were 9 disks because (in the dream,) I exclaimed, “My 9 spheres.” Each sphere was a different colour and had different characteristics. The blue one had a constellation of stars circling it, clock-wise from Earth to Sky. The red one had a ring that also circled it.

Later that day the sky looked funny/strange. It was like the sky was made of a thick substance, like a mattress. The sky was blue and everywhere there were whitish-grey spheres embedded in the thick substance. They did not move, (they looked like what BB pellets would look like if shot at a wall and had penetrated the first layer.) Surrounding each of the spheres were white clouds,

Later, at night, the sky was pitch black except for tiny sparkles from the stars, there was no moon present. I could hear a strange blip-like noise, an electronic sound, and this scared me. Up in the sky the stars formed constellations that I’ve never seen before.

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Grandmother’s Eyes

November 12, 18 and 21, 1999

My grandmother was sick, on her deathbed, and we were watching over her at home in the living room. There were lots of people present because someone else had recently died, it was a neighbour. A lamp had been taken of its stand and I had to ask my grandmother how to put it back together. She had a very hard time opening her eyes but she managed to say my name.

I was visiting my grandparents’ house although it was demolished. It was like a mental voyage and my ex-mother-in-law was with me. She was scared because she knew the house was demolished and she couldn’t figure out why she could see it. She took a stick and poked through an open window at the curtains, trying to get a view into the living room. I told her to stop and that she didn’t have to be afraid that we (my mother and aunt) visited there often. I managed to convince her to come inside and have a look. She was afraid but followed me around.

We were at my grandparents’ house and nobody loved the boy (I don’t know who he was except that) he was my brother. My grandmother was sick and so we had moved her to my old apartment across the street. I went back to my old place to visit my grandmother. My aunt and her daughter had also moved in with my grandmother and I couldn’t figure out how they all fit in that small apartment. I went to my grandmother’s room and visited with her. When she realized it was me she was very happy to see me. I kissed her and looked into her eyes; they were all weird and rolled in her head, then they just looked cloudy and there was something about her pupils.

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Digital Clocks 7:71 and 7:75

November 23, 1999

The time on two different digital clocks read 7:71 and 7:75 while the regular clock read 1:00. I lived in a nice brick bungalow and my husband was going to be back late so I was supposed to leave a door unlocked for him. I was standing outside when I noticed a red light in the sky and I realized it was a star (or planet) and right next to it was a gigantic white star about half the size of the moon. This scared me and so I went back in the house and locked the door and decided to wait up until my husband got home.

Mandalas 4

2006-08-19T13:16:00.000-04:00

These were the final mandalas in this group:

Dreams 14

2006-08-19T12:58:00.000-04:00

Talking Doll and Otto Preminger

August 20, 1999

I was at home in the basement, (a strange new place, not at all like my current home.) I was rearranging things and going through some games I had purchased at a flea market. My friend walked n and I asked if she would come by tonight to play some games but she made an excuse and left. When I went upstairs and all kinds of people (old friends, felt like a surprise party for me,) were preparing the dinner table. One of my friends (actually the youngest daughter of my mother’s ex-boyfriend) was there and I was surprised. I asked if she still lived in town and she did. We remarked how we only saw each other at doctors, dentists or optometrists’ offices – always in medical places. Then someone walked in with a baby girl and handed her to me. I rocked her in the rocking chair and talked to her and suddenly she began talking back. Her speech became progressively better. Finally she asked me some tough questions of which she knew the answers. That’s when I realized it was a trick (I think the baby was a doll set up with a microphone and the voice was a husky female voice.) Then someone announced a surprise visitor – Otto Preminger was coming to dinner.

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Church Steeple Fire

August 21, 1999

The Church in my neighbourhood was on fire. The cars were moving aside to let the fire trucks go through traffic but the cars were so preoccupied that they were driving on the sidewalks and I had to walk in people’s yards. I looked at the Church and then I saw the steeple was full of flames and suddenly it came crashing down. I walked into my childhood home and simultaneously I walked into my grandparents’ home. I told my mother and grandmother what was going on.

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Secret Castle

August 21, 1999

As I saw a secret castle a dream voice was telling me, “The secret castle has many rooms and levels. There is a big treasure in the 6th but watch out for the ‘bad guy’ in the 8th, and then escape using the 11th and the 5th. To get to the 11th you must run between the floors on the 9th and finally in the 11th you are trapped in a cage that transforms into an elevator and protects you from all outside forces and brings you to the entrance of the cave.

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Macrocosmic to Microcosmic

August 26, 1999

A dream voice told me, “To solve a problem bring it to its ultimate. If your problem is microcosmic enlarge it until you see/find your solution. If your problem is macrocosmic reduce it until you find your solution. You can reduce the macrocosmic and enlarge the microcosmic because they are the same.”

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German Soldier and Jung

September 2, 1999

I was dating a German soldier. I think I was a spy. He was expecting a call from a superior and as soon as the phone rang and he picked up he began speaking German. Then he looked towards me and smilingly said, “…Jung,” and “Lister…” and in reply to this (as though I’d understood part of what he said,) I said, “Because she likes to read.” I had translated his sentence although I didn’t know a word in German. He looked at me as though he hadn’t understood my words and waved for me to be quiet. Then I thought to myself I’d better be quiet because if suddenly I could understand German then I would able to spy much more efficiently.

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Strange Men in Rafters and Freaky Cat

September 3, 1999

My oldest son, my cousin and I were sitting in the living room. Suddenly we caught sight of something on the ceiling. The attic door was open and there was a doll hanging there. My oldest son giggled so I knew he’d put it there as a prank. My cousin had screamed when she saw it. I had a freaky black cat that had a white twin. The two cats communicated telepathically. My black cat was meowing eerily and circling me and I began to wonder if he was going to attack me. I decided to pet him and then the white cat came and they were okay – like all along the black cat had wanted to be reunited with the white one. I decided to have a look at the attic once again and I noticed woollen things between the rafters, like scarves and blankets. Suddenly pairs of eyes opened between each rafter, the wool was actually the clothing of the strange men hiding between the rafters.

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Rabelais Loves Me

September 7, 1999

I met a young man who had bought me a card with the name “Rabelais,” written on it. (There were other names that I don’t remember.) It was a singing card. Later I went to an office and met a young man whose name was “Rabelais,” and I realized I’d had a dream (within a dream.) Rabelais was a lawyer and he was in love with me. Every time he greeted me with warm hugs, kisses and he often gave me gifts. On this occasion he had bought me a statue of a bird and he said it reminded him of me. When my husband had found out he had become jealous.

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Street Fight in Imagination and Flying Lamb

September 11, 1999

A group of us were outside downtown when suddenly a fight broke out. Everyone was fighting and I was fending off attackers. One guy (a client from work) came at me and I flipped him to the ground and then another guy came at me and I flipped him to but his face hit the sidewalk and I heard a loud crack and saw blood come from his mouth. Then the scene suddenly transforms and it is night but we are all still together downtown. We realize that the whole fight had not really occurred, it had been a figment of my client’s imagination and we had relived it. Suddenly I see a bird on the roof of a nearby building. It is large, white and squawking. I ask everyone what kind of bird it is, I was wondering if it might be an ostrich or a turkey. Suddenly it flies down and begins running about on four legs so I realize it is not a bird. I see it is a white lamb and I was instantly filled with a deep sense of peace and I knew I’d been granted a gift. Everyone was asking me what it meant but I was unable to explain, I was so peaceful and felt a strong sense of inner power.

More Dreams (from Book Three)

2006-08-13T14:34:00.000-04:00

Mandala of Landmark Experiences

July 12, 1999

I am shown a mandala. All around the circle are images of all my landmark experiences and memories. There is something in the center unfortunately I forgot what it was when I woke up.

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Black, Pregnant and 17

July 12, 1999

I was a black girl, I was 17 years old and I didn’t know how to dance. Two friends showed me how and when I got the hang of it I began dancing around the hall holding an ice cream cone. I dances around and gave people a bite of my ice cream. It was a dance and there were people drinking but I wasn’t because I was pregnant.

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Standing on the Universe

July 13, 1999

A dream voice said, “Standing on a chair that is on a table that is on the floor that is on a house that is on the Earth that is on the Universe…”

(Note: This dream was very crucial for me. It was this image that propelled me into deep states of meditation on many occasions.)

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My Husband a Wizard

July 13, 1999

I woke up (within the dream) and found my husband in the bathroom. When I went to check on what he was doing he ran away from me. As he was running down the stairs I called him and when he turned around I noticed a big change in him. At first I only noticed he’d shaven off his moustache. But then as he approached I noticed he had long blond hair. I followed him back into the bathroom and I asked him where he had gotten the hair and I realized he had pasted my fresh cut hair on his head. Then he rearranged his hair and he looked like Einstein. He went back downstairs and I sat on the landing upstairs. Suddenly he appeared at the bottom of the stairs wearing a hooded cape. It was dark-coloured (Navy blue) with silver stars on it. Suddenly he leaped up a bunch of stairs, it didn’t seem natural, then he jumped again and he grabbed my legs. I asked him to stop because I was scared but he never even acknowledged me (like he couldn’t hear me.) He reminded me of some underworld creature. Suddenly another “him” appeared beside me upstairs. I had no escape and so I decided to resign to my fear.

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Transgress Numbers

July 26, 1999

A dream voice said, “Transgress numbers! Numbers are alive and moving, not like animals, but like running water. You can arrest time, like freezing water; it is all in the numbers. Do not regress the numbers – but transgress them. (An additional note, as though the voice was reiterating the point,) “The water freezes because of the movement and it remains in this state because of the stillness.

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Awareness

July 27, 1999

A dream voice explained, “We are born out of Awareness. Out of Awareness we are given a tiny speck of awareness. Awareness is that which gives us existence. When our tiny speck connects with the Whole Awareness it feels like sexual pleasure and we are filled all knowledge (Gnosis.) Just as we do not require active thought for our hearts to beat we can live without active awareness. Our awareness is like a telephone that connects to the Whole Awareness but we are rarely plugged in, so even if the Whole Awareness would give you insight (and if you are not plugged) you cannot hear it or receive it.

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Acknowledging the Opposites

August 4, 1999

A dream voice said, “In order to feel love you must know hate. You must acknowledge the opposites because denying them is rejecting their opposite! Let’s say that you deny hate, you do not acknowledge its existence within you then love will not come to you because it is channelled through the same source as hate.”

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Daughter of a Witch

August 17, 1999

I was a young woman, maybe 17 or 18 years old. My mother was a witch, not a Walt Disney sort of witch; really she was just considered a heretic within the Catholic community. We lived in our own community where we were tolerated. My mother put on a long semi-hooded robe, it was pink, and she instructed me to do the same and meet her outside. She left with my younger sister and brother (about 4 and 2 years old) they had a different father than me. I had a hard time putting on my robe, it was heavy but of soft material. Once I had it on it dragged on the floor and it was very difficult to move in it. I was thinking that maybe one day the villagers would turn on us but then I realized that even the other witches considered us heretics to their beliefs. I walked along the courtyard shyly not looking at anyone and made it to my mother’s quarters. My siblings were preparing their tiny beds and my mother was in her bed with her second husband. There was no room left for me so I volunteered to sleep outside if she could only lend me some woollen socks. She didn’t have any but she gave me a piece of cloth to wrap my feet in. We lived in a walled village and so outdoors offered lots of shelter from the elements, yet we could still see the sky above.

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Golden Flower

August 18, 1999

My mother, my youngest son, and I were visiting a woman I knew from work (a regular client.) My son was playing in another room with another little boy. It was near Christmas and there was wrapped gifts all over a table and we had to pick one. I picked one and inside the box was a set of earrings with a matching ring; they had matching blue gems except the gems on the earrings were lined in gold petals (to look like flowers.) My mother opened her gift and it was identical to mine. The woman opened hers and it was earrings and a necklace but her earrings were broken. I joked and said she could always use them to hang things on them and I hung her necklace on them to show her. Suddenly I saw a large golden flower in my gift box. (The flower was identical to the one I drew in this journal on July 18, 1999, except it was a real flower and more vivid.)

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Magical Truth Spheres

2006-08-10T09:21:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

May 23, 1999

I was walking in a backyard with a tall man and at the end of the yard was a fence and without much effort the tall man lifted me over it. We laughed and I thought how it was nice to be lifted by a strong tall man. We were experiencing feelings for each other but he was married and worried – he’d even mistakenly called his wife “mother.” I thought “he’s afraid, like a little kid, he’s not that strong inside.”

My mother, my aunt and I were sitting together playing cards. Then the tall man and another man joined us. The other man passed me a piece of paper with a series of cards written on it – 7 ♥, 7 ♦, 7 ♠, 2 ♦ and “wildcard.” The tall man was dealing the cards and one by one I received the same cards in the same order that the other man had written. At first I thought he had been cheating but then as he kept repeating this I realized he just knew them.

The tall man then started talking nonsense about evil and devils and the other man and I thought about the spheres. They were a set of magical spheres made of ivory (or something similar) about the size of a baseball. Each sphere had a detachable greenish-black ring around the circumference. The ring had tiny holes all around it that held black and white (about pea-sized) beads. Simultaneously the other man and I had assembled a sphere under the table. When placed in front of us these spheres would hover and the effect would be that everyone spoke the truth – their inner thoughts. The tall man said something to the effect that we were going to go to hell and I told him that if he truly believed this that he would find himself be the only one in heaven.

New Weapon Induces Confessions

2006-08-10T09:20:00.001-04:00

Dream
__________

May 27, 1999

The military had invented a new weapon. While contained in the field of the weapon, the victim was made to feel as though he was the interrogator, and when the victim heard the confession he was suddenly aware of the confession having come form his own lips.

4 Weddings

2006-08-10T09:20:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

June 22, 1999

I saw a triangle shape made up of circles, each circle alternating between green and blue. I also saw 4 different symbols and a dream voice told me that there were 4 weddings in life. The voice also said that there were different dimensions and the symbols were the key to unlocking and travelling between them.

3 Tunnels

2006-08-10T09:19:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

June 26, 1999

There were 3 tunnels and I caught a glimpse of each of them through the entrance.

School: (I am a teenager in this tunnel.) The new school director wanted all the boys to wear ties. Some other girls and I decided to hold a demonstration against it. We showed up wearing ties and singing and dancing and the director was so amazed that he decided to let the students vote on the issue.
Money: An old childhood friend (who never had children although she tried) had a daughter. She was giving her daughter and some of her friends some money to go spend at the candy store.
Injury/War: Soldiers had been recruited among civilians and a group had been chosen from my hometown. I knew most of them. I had come across some documents, pictures of soldiers and information. There was very little information about this group because it was illegal. On one picture of a guy I knew there was the word “Injured,” stamped across it. I had a memory (within the dream) of having met him; he had been an uncle’s neighbour.

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Covert Operation

(This dream is possibly continued from tunnel 3 above.) I was working against a secret or covert military operation. The top guy was a double agent. It was time to call back the soldiers and I told him to wait until we’d left (so as to not blow our cover) but he insisted in bringing them back in our presence. So I asked that in the least he didn’t let the American soldiers see us (this mission involved the participation of both American and Canadian soldiers.) We were finally granted the right to leave headquarters but the soldiers were already on their way so we had to be careful not to be seen on our way out.

Mandalas 3

2006-08-08T16:43:00.000-04:00

These are the mandalas I was drawing during this period of dreaming.

Signs of Worldwide Catastrophes

2006-08-08T14:04:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

May 18, 1999

I had dreamt about some signs that indicated an imminent worldwide catastrophe. I was relating my dream and the signs to my family and some friends. They were sceptical and said that I placed too much importance on my dreams but then the wind began blowing furiously and they got scared. I had prepared a shelter in my bedroom closet. We went there and began moving things around, like the dresser in front of the window so if the window broke it wouldn’t send glass flying all over. I had a large coffin-shaped box that my youngest son and I would hide in. It was designed to open into the closet to connect with the 10 foot wood-floor passageway where the others would hide.

Big Brother Landlord

2006-08-08T14:03:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

May 16, 1999

I was visiting my mother-in-law, she had moved to a nearby town. She lived in an old building that was run by a very strict landlord. He had posted rules on every wall and he had cameras in every apartment. He even had microphones in the apartments and he would talk to the tenants. If he wanted to wake a tenant he would start with a positive image, like “wake up, come on you’ve got a great day ahead of you, plenty of nice things to do like read a book, pick some flowers…” My mother-in-law gave me a tour of the building; it was like a building within a larger cement block building. In her apartment you could see cement blocks outside her windows but there was another door in her apartment that led up some stairs to an attic. The attic belonged to her.

Grandma’s Silver Rose Ring

2006-08-08T14:02:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

May 14, 1999

I had a large silver ring with roses worked into the silver on my left (wedding) finger (where I presently wear my grandmother’s ring.) This ring gave off energy and the roses would transform themselves and would show other dimensions. My oldest son wanted the ring and I was about to give it to him when I remembered it had been my grandmother’s and I hadn’t removed since she had died. Then I thought, “No, it wasn’t my grandmother’s ring,” and I looked down and it was my blue sapphire ring and then it transformed itself into the silver rose ring once again. My son’s were starting at a new school and I asked my oldest one if he still had his t-shirt that had basically the same powers as the ring. He said he’d lost it and that is why he wanted to borrow the ring.

Alchemy Chapter Diviner

2006-08-08T14:01:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

May 14, 1999

I had a magnificent book about Alchemy and I was reading a section called, “…Diviner…” This was a section for the initiate.

Blue Flag with Circles

2006-08-08T14:00:00.000-04:00

Dream
__________

May 12, 1999

I was chosen to be the leader of a country. This country had a blue and yellow flag with small circles (or stars) on it. I helped a lot of people. I helped them by praying, and writing prayers. Lots of people wrote and visited me.

Déja Vu

2006-08-08T12:09:00.000-04:00

Contemplation

Journal Entry: April 2, 2000

If dreams are messages from the soul then déja vu’s with their dreamlike quality must also come from the soul. I noticed after a few years of experiencing déja vu’s that they always seem to occur during a trivial activity. I sit quietly with a friend and suddenly I see the events to come unfold before me. She is about to toss her pop can to the garbage pail but I know she will miss, I don’t have time to warn her however, and just as the can hits the pail, we say in unison, “That was a déja vu.” The experience fresh in our minds we discuss it and notice, once again, how trivial – “warning, the can will hit the pail.” We wonder why déja vu’s don’t occur to warn you just seconds before the tree falls on your head.

As I was walking home from work tonight wearing my headphones, to shut out the noise, I experienced extraordinary moments. A series of moments linked together yet not by time or space, it was just a sequence of events. As Beethoven played on my walkman, the music rising into an allegro in time with a breeze lifting my hair, the chain of events unfolded. I saw the ultimate beauty and vastness of the sky, at once the wind was caressing my face and Beethoven’s allegro was rising in tempo and I felt myself lifted! It was as though in that moment a door had been opened and heaven had been revealed to me.

Still very much at peace from the experience I noticed that the road ahead seemed welcoming and the road I had just travelled was throwing me a farewell party and all of this was quite comforting. Suddenly I was transported to a time in my childhood when I just wanted to walk away, and then I found myself feeling like I was walking with all the suffering children who at any point in time (including the present) just wanted to walk away. There we were just walking, peacefully, not worried of what lay behind and not fearful of what was ahead – just enjoying the breeze, the clouds, Beethoven and being centered in heaven.

If walking down a mundane road could have such an impact upon me then the apparently trivial déja vu must be a potential glimpse of heaven. The fact that I merely saw “the can hit the pail,” then was a reflection of the state of my sight.

Further down the road this following thought occurred to me. Who, as a child travelling at night, has not asked his or her parents, “Why does the moon follow me?” The most common reply being, “It just looks that way because the moon is so far away.” As I was walking home I realized that the clouds seemed to move ahead of me. I allowed myself to believe that the clouds were actually clearing a path and that the moon was indeed following me. And it was so. Instead of just appearing that way because of their great distance they actually followed me because of my short distance. They are the backdrop, the screen, on which I play my life. They are directly connected to me.

Déjà vu 2

2006-08-08T12:07:00.000-04:00

Contemplation

Journal Entry (excerpt): April 22, 2000

Walking home from work last night, once again my thoughts roamed to the suffering children. My own are no exception. The populace worry about ozone depletion, extinction of animals, saving the trees, but we can’t even save our own kind.

How many children are destroyed, physically through malnutrition and abuse, emotionally through neglect and ignorance, and spiritually by their wills being broken, by experiencing contradictions and stupidities? Most parents do their best. But how many people do you actually know who would reach out and help someone else’s child? What if that child’s parents’ were your enemies? Are we not all children from the same source? Can we not put all of our differences aside and reach out to help somebody based solely on their being human?

When giving donations there is a false sense of having helped someone, but before anyone gets help there is a bureaucratic process that includes processing and sorting, investigation and a series of tests to see who is most worthy of help. Who is the judge? I say if you truly want to give then do it personally. Do not assess the person’s needs, do not judge their worthiness to receive your gift, and do not give your own discards. Give what you yourself most need, give because you see pain in someone’s eyes, give because you sincerely want to make a difference. Perhaps then our children having been shown love, abundance and freedom, will grow up to save the ozone, the animals and the trees.

This process of thought was so powerful that I wound up in tears standing by the road. I continued walking and thought if only I could save one child and then another child and then someone else would do the same and this progressed until it culminated in all the world’s children being saved and then something shiny, glowing silver in the moonlight caught my eye. I stopped and looked down at the sidewalk and there where the moon shone embedded in the cement I saw a child’s footprint.

House Fire Dream Analysis

2006-08-07T14:41:00.000-04:00

May 11, 1999

I had heard that our neighbour’s house was on fire. By the time I got outside to see it was already out but the entire house had burned down, leaving only a charred frame and it leaned onto our building. I went to visit the owner of the house, an old woman (I know in waking reality,) at the hospital. She was being treated for minor smoke inhalation. I asked her if I could drop by and visit her again. Then I am at her house, it isn’t burned down anymore. She was baking something and it smelled really nice. I visited the house and it was exactly as I remembered it.

I awoke (within the dream) and I was discussing the dream with my mom and some sort of analyst. We proceeded to analyze the dream. It seems that the house on fire wasn’t the main highlight of analysis; instead it was tray containing four coloured shapes. There was a triangle, a square, a circle and a cross. The cross was yellow.

Comet Announcement

2006-08-07T14:40:00.000-04:00

May 8, 1999

I saw a comet and a dream voice announced to me that my “human development chapter was completed.”

Fiddling Contest with Grandpa’s Help

2006-08-07T14:39:00.001-04:00

Older dream recalled on May 3, 1999

I had entered a fiddling contest. Not only did I have to play but I had to build my own fiddle. I had built it and was trying to play and tune it and I wasn’t getting anywhere. Just when I was going to give up my grandfather appeared and told me everything would be okay. I was going to argue with him but he said I already knew how to play all I had to do was remember; to remember how he used to play when I was young. Then all the tunes came flooding into my mind and not only was I hearing it in my mind – I was actually playing it on the fiddle. Everyone at the contest was extremely quiet; they were amazed. I won! When I awoke I was still playing the tune in my mind.

Circles within Circles

2006-08-07T14:39:00.000-04:00

May 2, 1999

Throughout the night I felt like my dreams were circles. It was like the idea that “my life was a circle,” was the main reoccurring theme for the night. (Just like when you have a song in your head and you can’t stop singing it in your mind.) I thought I dreamt about a circle within a circle but I can’t recall any details. It’s as though the dreams I was having were taking place in between a small inner circle and the large outer circle.

Dented Camaro

2006-08-07T14:38:00.000-04:00

May 2, 1999

My best friend and I had been offered a ride in the backseat of a red Camaro that belonged to a guy (I don’t know.) When I made my way towards the passenger door I noticed that the side was all dented and even the roof of the car was caved in. The Camaro was now gold or beige coloured. I didn’t think I could fit inside but the guy said we’d have to lay down. I decided not to take the ride.

Velcroed Together

2006-08-07T14:37:00.000-04:00

May 2, 1999

I had undergone surgery on my right foot and my husband on his left foot, and we had been stitched together. Eventually we took the bandages off and separated our feet but every now and then we’d reconnect. It felt like Velcro.

Pyramid and Hebrew Figurine

2006-08-07T14:35:00.000-04:00

May 1, 1999

I had just moved into a basement apartment (down a street in my neighbourhood.) It was a small apartment but it was cute and cozy. The previous owners had left some things behind in the cupboards and on the countertop. They had left typically stuff like soaps and bleach but then I saw a few things that caught my eye. I found a pyramid with a removable top and inside it was intricately designed with shell lining, mirrors and marble. I also found the figurine of an old man wearing a scarf with Hebrew letters inscribed on it. There was a girl in the apartment, watching TV, and she asked my why I was so excited about the old man figurine. I told her I had once had a dream that my name was really an old Hebrew name – the very one inscribed on this scarf. When she didn’t respond I continued telling her about more dreams and explained that I sometimes had out-of-body experiences. Then I told her about the Barcelona dream/experience. She wasn’t really paying attention so I stopped talking.

3 Parts to Death

2006-08-07T14:34:00.000-04:00

May 3, 1999

I was allowed to see the death (s) that I would be experiencing. Death itself involved 3 parts. 1. The separation of two into one 2. A physical (death.) 3. Death is happy when someone gives in to the pain and asks the (*illegible…) man - you should answer.

Regain Consciousness Following an Operation

2006-08-07T14:32:00.000-04:00

April 12, 1999

(I was scheduled for an operation to remove a ganglion cyst on my right foot. On the morning of the operation I woke up to the following dream.)

I could faintly hear the ringing of the telephone. Everything around me was black. Gradually the blackness lifted and the ringing phone became clearer. When I regained my senses I was sitting in the steps inside my house and I went to answer the phone. It was my mother asking me where I had been. I told her that I had no idea that I had just now woken up and had been sitting in the steps. She asked me how the operation had gone and how I had gotten back from the hospital. I told her once again that I had no idea, that I had just “regained consciousness.”

(When I woke up and was preparing to go to my appointment for the operation my husband asked me something quite unlike him, he asked, “What should I do if...?” I asked him what he meant by “if,” and he said hesitatingly, “If in case you don’t wake up?” I told him, after a pause, to do as we had always planned, “Just don’t unplug me,” I said. I finally made it to my appointment and the surgeon informed me that he wouldn’t perform surgery on me because he said I was a high risk patient under anaesthesia. This incidence and the above dream had me wondering about death and three weeks later, still wondering about all of this, I asked for a dream to guide me. The following dream was the answer.)

Dreams 12

2006-08-03T12:32:00.000-04:00

Caves of Sainte Anne

April 10, 1999

I was at my grandparents’ house along with my mother and I was telling them all about a trip I’d just returned from. I told them about having visited churches and caves of Sainte Anne. I explained how my youngest son had been afraid in the caves because of the echoes. Suddenly I was interrupted by a loud rumbling noise, like thunder. The radio was playing in the background and I heard the announcer state, “That’s right folks this wave causes houses to spontaneously catch fire, so get out and RUN.” We looked out the back door and I saw huge clouds of smoke. I would hear thunder-like explosions and then some small star-like puffs of smoke would fill the sky and fall to the earth. Then whatever the white stuff touched, houses, trees, etc… would instantly catch fire. I thought I saw our backyard neighbour’s house catch fire but then I realized it was a little further near the local high school. Suddenly the ground started trembling and I looked outside again and I saw that the people were running away from the heat and fire and looking for safety. I was about to join in the panic and suggest that we run too but then I thought how futile that would be and we decided to go hide underneath the house in the sand.

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Centurion

April 13, 1999

A dream voice stated powerfully, “The Centurion is over 100 years old and is made up of one piece.”

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Serb TV

April 13, 1999

A dream voice said, “To destroy Serb TV is to destroy freedom of speech. Democracy is (especially State democracy) the fighter for human rights. Hey wait… you didn’t say ‘Simon says.’”

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Cowardly Lion

April 13, 1999

I had attended my friends’ wedding and left just as the reception started so I could make it to the bookstore before it closed. At first I went the wrong way and I knew I wouldn’t make it to the store on time so I decided to browse around at the gift shop. I was there with my mother and my aunt. I saw some games, one was called QWERTY (only in waking reality did I make the connection to a keyboard.) One at the counter I saw a coffin-shaped toy and remembered it from a previous dream (within the dream.) I played with it hoping to decipher my previous dream. While fiddling around with a lever the coffin opened up and a skeleton popped up. I played some more with the lever and then the skeleton stood up but was hanging upside down. Then I realized that the skeleton came loose and it was really a lion that appeared to be tangled up in seaweed. Instantly my mother and I exclaimed, “The Cowardly Lion!” By then the woman at the counter who had overheard most of our conversation, she turned to me and asked, “Are you famous?” I replied in a friendly but sarcastic manner, “Oh yeah just like everyone else.” Then quite seriously she asked, “But couldn’t you become famous?” I thought about it and then I replied, “With these dreams I’ve been having I guess I could become famous.”

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Hired by Embassy

April 15, 1999

Everyone in my family was trying to convince me to work with the refugees but I was trying to tell them that I wanted more – I wanted to work the front lines. At this they panicked and I explained I didn’t mean the “front lines” literally, just that I wanted to reach them somehow. Then I received a call from the embassy to do some work for them. If it meant going to Yugoslavia, well that was fine with me. (The rest of my dream is spent trying to find those who hired me; it was highly confidential.) There were military personnel following me from a distance and they were plotting my way, clearing a path for me. Along the way they fought their own army in order to protect my getting to the ultimate goal. I went through a marshy area where some soldiers were conducting practice exercises. As I approached them they became really defensive and wanted to know who I was and where I was going. Just then the military personnel were above in a helicopter and through loud speakers they instructed the soldiers. But the land soldiers were apprehensive and began arguing about rank. Then the man in the helicopter began calling each soldier by name and rank and they knew he was an “higher-up,” because their exercises in the marsh was highly top secret and they let me through. Then a friend showed up and he cut some bamboo and weeds that were growing in the marsh to clear the path for me.

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Inner Outer Circles

April 17, 1999

Some countries were trying to speak up but they were being controlled by the United States. This was showed to me as an image of a small inner circle representing the "other countries" and a larger outer cirlce around the smaller one representing the "United States." Whenever the small inner circle tried to speak or come out of the larger outer circle it would be sucked back in like gravity.

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Signs - End of the World

April 18, 1999

I had predicted some signs that the end of time was near and the signs had begun to appear. One of the signs was huge frogs. I was with my family at a motel and I saw a huge frog hop out of a closet in the motel room. Because it was so huge each time it jumped it would fall on its back exhausted. We were scared and tried to find a way to put it outside, finally we managed to put it out through the window and it hopped outside. When the frog would fall on its back it looked like a rabbit but on closer inspection it looked eerily human.

Later we were outside and in the sky I saw two yellow moons and they were moving. I knew it was the eyes of God and he held a candle in his hands. My mother, mother-in-law, my best friend and I sat on a swing in the backyard and held hands. We knew the time was up and we knew that somehow we would be okay.

Prior to this I had been at work and having difficulties with the computer and other equipment. A colleague then walked in, she had arrived from holidays and said that she had seen O.J. Simpson and Bill Cosby. One of them was sad about someone named Patrick (? The name is barely legible in my journal because I wrote it in the middle of the night and still very much half-asleep.) Then someone approached me to ask for a donation to help his niece or grandchild. He showed me her picture and it was obvious she was mongoloid. I thought the man was drunk and fishing for drinking money but then another colleague saw the picture and said there was definitely something strange about the child. I looked at the picture once again and I saw that she had three arms. This child was badly deformed.

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Here is a poem I wrote as a result of the above dream:

Signs

The signs were clear,
The end was near.
The massive
contemptuous frog,
Had found its lair.

Abashed moons peering,
Lighted candles searing.
Looked down upon us in our darkness
Disdained to find us hiding.

The women united
Cuddled and
frightened
The boys we’d raised were chained
Upon thoughts-discarded

Tuesday, May 18, 1999

Dreams 11

2006-08-03T11:31:00.000-04:00

Hostage Situation and I Meet the Queen

January 22, 1999

There was a convention at the local high school that had been converted to a convention center. In the center of the building was a large common area with a glass roof. The furniture was triangular as with the theme of the room. The colour arrangement was pastel. On all sides of the common room were passages leading to other rooms. I met my husband and my youngest son in the auditorium. A Columbian dignitary was going make a speech. The auditorium was full of people and I told my husband that I felt there might be an attempt to assassinate the Columbian dignitary. My husband said he felt the same way. As soon as the dignitary came on stage there were shots fired. I threw myself and my son to the floor for cover. Then someone threw a knife and it was coming right at me but it lost its momentum and nicked me in the knee. Eventually we crawled away to hide in a kitchen. My son and I squeezed between a wall and the cupboards and my husband covered us with a baby crib mattress and then he left to investigate. After a long wait my husband came back and all the shooting was over, they had caught the group of assassins. Later there was a parade outside and my family (now including my mother and aunt) were standing together watching. We were talking about the events of the day and how lucky we’d been when the Queen came out of the building. She waved to the crowd and she waved to us and then she began to sing in French. We were amazed that she could sing so well in French and also amazed to find that she sang like my grandmother. Then I started thinking how much she also looked like my grandmother.

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Hebrew Books about a Black Man

January 25, 1999

I had moved to a local street near my childhood home. I was living really near a family friend (who in waking reality died two nights ago.) A girl I knew lived across the street and we were outside talking, she had company from a neighbouring town. Her guest asked me if my mother was the psychic. When I told her she was she became really excited and went to get some spiritual books. In her books I found a story about a black man who had been well-loved in his community, he was like a Mother Teresa. Theses Hebrew letters were etched next to his name and picture, to describe him: אוא and/or אלא.

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Torpid, Loci and the Holy Mary

January 31, 1999

I saw these words, Torpid, Loci and another word and a voice asked me what I was doing to unite Torpid and the other word. Then I was flashed by a light, twice, and I was told that it was Mary, the Holy Spirit, trying to penetrate me (Mind? Body?)

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Wildflowers, Butterflies and the River

March 14, 1999

I was running away from a man because I had hurt his feelings but I wasn’t sure how I’d hurt him. As I was running I crossed several different sceneries or landscapes. I went through tall grass, then paved roads, then through some backyards with neatly trimmed lawns, and the further I went I realized I was getting lost. As I was running and I looked back I saw a bed of wildflowers and I remembered having seen them before in a dream or daydream (within the dream.) I immediately stopped, because I remembered that just a few feet ahead, behind some tall grass, was the river. I knew that had I continued running blindly I would have fallen in the river. What had triggered the memory was seeing the wildflowers, it turns out the flowers were really butterflies and they all took flight at once. (I actually experienced this in waking reality about a year ago. While camping I came across a large circular area that appeared to be full of flowers. When I approached I saw they were butterflies and they all flew away together.) I sat by the river and noticed the water was calm and appeared greyish blue. While sitting there I remembered what I had done to hurt the man’s feelings.

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4-Key Computer Reads minds

March 19, 1999

I held a new computer that looked more like a toy. (It looked like an upturned toy truck.) It had a keyboard with just 4 keys on it. I didn’t see any paper, ink or source of power attached to it. The 4 keys each had a symbol on them: 1. looked like a circular pile of hay. 2. Looked like a square made of something that looked like pretzels. 3. Looked like a twined rope. I can’t remember the fourth. I had been pressing the keys when a technician showed up and connected a roll of paper to the computer and suddenly all my thoughts that I had been thinking while playing with the keys were being printed.

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Grandma Looking for Grandpa

March 22, 1999

I was volunteering at a hospital. I went around propping pillows for patients and reading to them. I went to visit one of my regulars and I noticed she was eating an entire plate of chocolates. She was diabetic so I immediately went to get a nurse. They had to give her an intravenous (in her ankle) so she wouldn’t fall in a coma. Then she fell asleep and when I saw she would be okay I went on. I was walking down a corridor that was full of hospital beds. It was very narrow and I wondered how a bigger nurse would have difficulties going by. Suddenly I thought I saw my grandmother in a hospital bed. When I turned back to see, there was no one there but the blankets were slightly raised. I was about to leave, thinking it had been my imagination, when I saw some movement behind me. I turned around and there was my grandmother. She said she was looking for my grandfather. She explained that she was about to come back to life, I asked her where she would like to come back, and she answered New Brunswick, by the shore. She was hoping to see my grandfather before she left. I told her that he was either making preparations to return himself, or he was doing special work or he might even already be back. Then I explained to her that time didn’t actually exist and so simultaneously grandpa could be with her right now but somewhere else.

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Sky Opens Up

March 24, 1999

The sky opened up once again. The clouds had been moving fast and were going from blue to grey. This caused a rumbling noise. Then one large grey cloud formed a large circle and this made much thunder and the center opened up and a voice spoke to me. (I can’t remember what I saw or what was said.)

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Tar and Fire Dome

March 29, 1999

The war was really on. A big bomb that looked like a huge flying dome of tar and fire had erupted and we could see it in the sky. Everything went silent. Then a panic grew and people everywhere were running to cargo trains in the hopes of fleeing. My dog Misty ran outside and suddenly she began trembling and gasping. I thought she was dying so I took her back inside and she recovered. It was like the air had been sucked out of her lungs. I found a place to hide with my family in a basement.

Dreams 10

2006-08-02T09:52:00.000-04:00

Hebrew Letters are Key

September 3, 1998

I was shown the following Hebrew letters, יהוה and was told it was the key. Then I was shown these letters, יוהו and also told it was the key.

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Parallel World - Must not Speak

September 17, 1998

I was at my grandparents’ house and I knew I was in a parallel world. My mother was sleeping on the couch and I bent down beside her to whisper something in her ear. I began whispering and woke up and I realized that I’d almost committed a grave mistake. When travelling to a parallel world one must not speak one word because of the power of the spoken word. (I was actually whispering when I woke up.)

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Parallel World Construction

September 17, 1998

I was telling my best friend about parallel worlds and how in one such world my grandparents’ house had been renovated instead of being demolished and in another parallel world the house was being reconstructed. I brought her to visit the world of reconstruction. There were three men there, two that I knew from work and the third being the cement guy. M. complained about the cement guy and L. explained everyone was on a volunteer basis. The cement guy threatened to quit and L. left me to mediate. I decided that everyone should stick to the work they could do best and not worry about what the other was up to. So the cement guy should worry about the cement and the contractors should worry about building, etc… This satisfied them all and M. even apologized.

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Ayin Questionnaire

October 17, 1998

There was a questionnaire and the question was about the true meaning of Ayin. It was a multiple choice question and the only answer I remembered was, “Esod (or Esau) of the great…”

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Messianic Heart of Saint Denis

October 21, 1998

As a child I had been granted membership in the Messianic Heart of Saint Denis. (The stipulation was that one had to renew as an adult, to make the conscious choice to be a member.) I was now an adult with a mission and with the help of my mother I found the box that contained the membership information. We opened the box and within this box there was another box and in this box was a palm-sized heart, made from an unknown substance; it looked like red glycerine soap but it was harder. It was dark but suddenly it began to glow and became translucent. The paper that accompanied the heart stated that when a favour was granted or a situation was true, then the heart would glow.

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Ayin at the Door

October 21, 1998

I heard a knock on my mother’s door. I was told it was Ayin.

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Golden One

November 26, 1998

There was a woman called “The Golden One,” and she showed me many things. She taught me how to paint and mix colours. Then she showed me how to express myself, how to acquire inspiration, by locking myself into a black cast-iron cage about 4’ cubed. That is how she had died. She had locked herself in the cage, as usual, and had begun chanting. Others, of course, thought she was delirious. (She didn’t die because she was in the cage she just happened to die while in the cage.) After she died people cried because “The Golden One,” had died. Earlier (in the dream) I had been at my art class and I had forgotten my paints. I was working on something blue and “The Golden One,” had brought me a paintbrush with a dab of blue, and she tested it to see if it matched. It didn’t so she brought me to a room in the back to learn how to properly mix the paints. She used pencil shavings and mixed them into the paint with a little bit of black to get the proper darkness of the blue.

Dreams 9

2006-08-02T08:51:00.000-04:00

The Boy with the Power to Hex

August 20, 1998

My youngest son, my daughter (no daughter in waking reality) and I had come to Earth on a mission to find the boy with the power to hex. He was a fallen angel and when he had first come to Earth he was supposed to use his powers in a positive manner to help spread love in the world. Something had happened when he came to Earth; something had attacked him and had made him forget his mission. While preparing for the mission, I was teaching my children about the dangers of attachment to Earth and how Earth’s beauty created an attachment. (It was like the more one associated with the physical aspects of Earth the more separated they became from the spirit and from their mission.) I found a picture of my oldest son when he was a toddler; he was wearing goofy-looking sunglasses.

The day came for us to do a test run to Earth and just as we were embarking my daughter changed her mind and stayed behind. When we first landed on Earth we were on a busy street corner. There was a street vendor with a cart and a monkey. The sights and smells were overwhelming and I turned to my son and again warned him of not getting caught up with the senses. We met up with a man who was like a liaison on Earth and he took us to his apartment where he desensitized us. He gave us different things to taste and smell and gave us instructions on what to avoid.

We finally did find the boy with the power to hex but he was surrounded by a negative influence. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had grown indifferent and that his powers were less powerful on Earth. He was young, maybe 16 or 17 years old. He was small for his age; he had straight, fine, brown hair, light brown (tan) skin and brown eyes. He was thin but all in all he looked like an average human being.

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(Note: A few weeks following this dream and because it was so vivid and urgent to me I put it in a longer form as follows.)

How I long to return home. This place which captivated me with its charm and beauty has become my daemon guardian. I left home with my son and daughter; this was going to be an expedition to find the boy with the power to hex. Being more mature and learned in the matters of travel, I undertook to guide my children in the proper methods and instructed them regarding protection and security. My daughter was very attentive and apprehensive about the upcoming journey; my son was all wonder and curiosity.

In order to undergo such an expedition the following steps are necessary:

1. There must be a calling. You must be called to the journey at which time a mission will be revealed to you.
2. You must become familiar with your mission and undergo an in depth study of the necessary arts to fulfill your mission. These arts will vary according to the mission but one that is prerequisite is the preparation of journey.
3. The journey itself.
4. The accomplishment of the mission.
5. The return.

My mission was to find the boy with the power to hex and discover why he wasn’t making use of his power. The children were to come along as a learning experience. We had individually and jointly attended to all our studies and preparations for the journey. We had envisioned our destination. (Envision is visualization where one actually projects a portion of the self to the visualized destination.) We had experienced the city in our pneuma – or spirit form. In pneuma the destination cannot impose its material form on us. While in pneuma everything appears greyish but the majesty can still be intuited although not felt. My daughter had a strong frightened response to this trial run and I took the opportunity to remind her of the dangers of succumbing to the impulse. If in pneuma form one succumbs to the impulse then one will remain, regardless of one’s will, attached to the destination with no way of returning home. Therefore it is crucial to remember one’s status as a visitor.

The day of the actual journey had arrived. We would be fitted with a shell in order that we could express and be impressed with the material. In this form we could reveal ourselves to sensitives and impress upon them a message. The nearer we approached our destiny the more colourful and bright the Earth became. My daughter was so frightened that she let go of my hand and returned home. It was too late to turn back now and so I had to let her go.

My son and I arrived in the city by daylight. We were bombarded by all the sights, lights, colours, sounds and movement. My son still held my hand and I could sense his awe. I reminded him of the dangers of succumbing to the impulse as we made our way down an alleyway. I needed to reflect and collect my thoughts in the midst of this blizzard of sensations. The way everything was ordered in this locale added to the attraction. Everything we were experiencing was so vivid and defined. The characteristics of matter: light, colour, odour, sound, taste and movement, were the animating force, they came from our home but had become attracted to matter and therefore vibrated within – continual attraction in action. Once the characteristic had succumbed to the attraction there was no turning back and to liberate just one characteristic from matter would create chaos, an immense void. The natural law in the world of matter was much stricter than at home.
The skyscrapers reflected silver light that blinded our attempt at looking up and that is the moment the world became alive. Vendors lined the narrow streets, displaying all their wares, tempting passers-by with aromas of cinnamon from fresh baked rolls, eye catching lengths of crimson cloth, and trinkets that made music and melodies. Of our entire senses odour is our strongest tempter. At home we only experience smell in its raw form, that is, a faint rose-like aroma. All odours come from this one smell in varying degrees and configurations.

We had been noticed by quite a few citizens but the busy street didn’t reveal our secret, had we landed in someone’s study however would have meant certain discovery. Not that I minded being found out, we weren’t hiding anything but a confrontation would have delayed our mission. In hindsight I realize the danger of being so conspicuous about our plans. To let all the sensitives view us was inviting danger. I was naïve about the concentration of power on Earth and I didn’t think anything could go wrong. Since then I have become quite acquainted with Mr. Murphy.

We finally reached a safe house a place to rest and deliberate while on a mission. The safe house also acted as onsite training in adaptation to this world. The man who ran the safe house was a sensitive who enjoyed our company. He gradually desensitized us by introducing us to the different flavours and odours of his country. He knew that strong odours, such as onion or garlic, were too dramatic for recent arrivals, so he pampered us with sweet and soft aromas of basil, sweet paprika and vanilla. Our host was fond of nutmeg and he could never understand our aversion to it.

(I understand that it ends so abruptly but that is as far as I got when I recorded this.)

Dreams 8

2006-07-31T09:09:00.000-04:00

Bread During the Election

July 26, 1998

I had to bring some bread to my friend R. (she was indeed involved in politics at the time.) When I got to her place she wasn’t home. There was an election going on and there were 5 candidates, including the owner of our local newspaper. I had learned that another candidate was a First Nation woman from Assiniboia and I had voted for her.

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Mill Towers Reflected in the Moon

July 30, 1998

The moon was full, very large and low in the East – the sun wasn’t set yet but it was in the West. We could see reflections of the local mill towers in the moon as well as the water tower. The whole town was reflected on the moon but the towers were seen clearly. My mother had recently moved near the mill towers and she had mixed emotions about it.

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New York Silver Mining Fair

July 30, 1998

I was in New York at the center of the city; there was a fair going on. It must have been between the 1920’s and 1940’s. They were explaining how the city had developed and they showed a silver mining site and explained that silver had been the attraction to the city. Little towns, or quarters had been settled haphazardly within the area of the mines and this explained why the older part of New York wasn’t well planned (street-wise, etc…) There were gambling machines at the fair and you could gamble with large silver coins, silver dollars worth $2, or you could use silver nickels and dimes. Ice cream cost one nickel.

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Rainbow Transformed into a Star

August 6, 1998

Mr. C. had died. On the day of his funeral a rainbow had appeared in the sky. Once the sun had set, the rainbow retreated into itself (folded up,) and it was transformed into a very large, bright star.

(Note: Mr. C. is the same one from the “Drunk Mom Visits University dream.” He was/is not very involved in our lives. He is my cousin’s paternal grandfather and lives out of town. The only point of interest here might be that it is from him that my cousin’s Native American roots stem from – his father was a First Nation.)

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Four Spheres in Corners of the Universe

August 14, 1998

There were four bright lights in the sky – like big spheres of light in each corner of the universe. There was one sphere for each cardinal point, North, South, East and West. I was at my grandparents’ house, looking out the window, when a spaceship-like thing landed over the shed. It was lit or glowing silver, and there were 4 red lights in each bottom corner. This ship was square, cube-like and about the same size as the shed, 8’x8’. It blended in with the shed as though the shed had disappeared or taken the new form. I was praying and saying, “If this is a good thing then don’t let me be scared, make the things I see appear common.” Then out from the ship came walking N. (N. was a family friend, an older gentleman who became interested in spiritual matters and Reiki.) He had a big smile on his face and he kept repeating, “C’est beau en, c’est beau, je te l’avais dit que ça serait beau.” (Translation, “It’s beautiful eh, it’s beautiful, I told you it would be beautiful.” I let N. into the house and asked him what the message was but all he could do was smile. He was very tired so he went to lay down. He was glowing red and talking incoherently. I kept insisting that he give me the message but he was falling asleep and talking funny.

Vision / Experience 2

2006-07-30T10:39:00.000-04:00

March 13, 1998

I write in my journal about the golden glow above the town. I see it almost every night and my friend C. also reports seeing it but she lives on the outskirts and she says that glow seems to hover just above the town itself. I also wrote the following, “A thought crossed my mind earlier, could this be The Light? Is this glow a conscious awareness? Is this light an opening to heaven or an omen?” Then I report the glow on the following dates: March 18, 1998 and twice on the week of April 2, 1998.

From my journal, "I just looked outside, it is 2:56 am, and the glow is visible, although it appears higher than usual."

I also recorded a memory of a dream from prior to 1997.

DREAM

There was a strong wind, tornado-like force, and I was walking on the street when the rain began to fall fiercely. I took shelter at our Town Hall. When I went in the auditorium the storm had calmed but the roof had been blown off and I could see the sky above. Dark clouds were moving quickly across the sky in a south-east direction and leaving a clear sky in its wake. It was an unearthly blue and suddenly the sky opened up and I saw a man's face, he had a long white beard and all around him figures appeared, one in each corner. He spoke to me and said that I was just as much in heaven as I was on Earth, iit was just a matter of perception. He was right because when he had first appeared he was just a big face in the sky but when my perception had changed I was instantly surrounded by sky and stood right in front of him.

*********

March 18, 1998

12:37 am

The sky suddenly went golden again, just above, leaving a band around the horizon looking normal and dark. tonight the golden glow is darker, almost like a very dark pink, it reminds me of a fire.

*********

April 2, 1998

1:35 am

I noticed that the sky was aglow again. This is the second time now that I also notice that the horizon, towards the East is of a bluish glow, whereas everywhere else the horizon is black. When I went to bed at 3:15 am the sky was still glowing.

*********
May 23, 1998

I received a letter from my father. I had asked him about Avidor Scribner and who it could be and in the letter he suggested I sit in a dim light and using a soft voice that I repeat Avidor's name three times and then let him know what happened. I attempted this and recorded the following:

I felt dizzy and then I became really relaxed. I experienced a sudden smell of olive oil. In the background and as though far away I could hear the television downstairs. "Europa, Europa" was playing. Then I heard a distant voice echoing, "They'll come for you." (It may have been from the television but it seemed to be meant as a message.) Suddenly I felt overwhelmed, the outer world felt like a weary place and I didn't feel at home. (I've had this recurring feeling for as long as I can remember - as though I am not at home.) The smell of olive oil is still present and I can't help but think about my grandfather. He used to take a teaspoon a day. I see a flashback of him reaching for the oily bottle, he seems old and wise. I tasted the olive oil and presently I am re-experiencing this. As I write this I can see my hand, it is writing and it appears as though I am merely observing someone else. I am well relaxed and will now drift off to sleep to see what a dream might reveal.

DREAM (that followed above experiment)

I was at a theater - I was a soldier. The theater was filled with soldiers. the guys played a (practical) joke on one of the soldiers. Someone's nickname was "Science," and he commanded a lot of authority. It felt to me like this was taking place in my home town many years earlier at a prisoner of war camp.

*********

June 16, 1998

I recorded the following in my journal: “As usual before going to sleep I looked out my bedroom window at the tree to which I feel an affinity. It was like a nightly meditation where I would feel so attuned to the tree that it and I were like one. Suddenly, beyond the tree in the night sky, I saw what appeared to be a bright star. In a matter of seconds (nano-seconds even,) the star began expanding in an oval shape almost as big as the full moon. Then just as quickly as it had appeared and expanded it disappeared. I turned away scared and scanned my memories to try to find a comparable experience to explain what happened. None forthcoming, I turned to look at the sky again and I experienced it again. This time I was frightened and tried to wake my husband G. but he was not waking up so I went to get my oldest son C. and we didn’t see anything unusual.

*********

August 7, 1998

I dreamt or experienced (can’t really tell if it was a dream or really happening,) “the bright light appeared in my window again – but this time I felt like I had been transported or had just arrived from somewhere.”

*********

September 28, 1998

I reported seeing three stars forming a straight vertical line between Jupiter and due east. Then I also reported a dream about a diamond-shaped area of the night sky opened up revealing a summer landscape, where everything was radiating pale, pure light.

Dreams 7

2006-07-30T10:21:00.000-04:00

Strange Flash of Light

June 20, 1998

I was at a local restaurant with my family and my best friend C. I was standing and looking at the menu when suddenly I saw a strange flash of light to the left of the page. (Within the dream,) I remembered the flash of light I’d experienced (in waking reality) on June 16, 1998. My oldest son had been concerned that it might be a tumour. (Back to the dream) my best friend also thought it might be a tumour and she rushed me to her car to take me to the hospital but she was walking so fast I could barely keep up with her.

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Satellite Falls

June 28, 1998

A satellite fell out of the sky and landed on Frontenac Street. Everyone was scared so they started running to the nearby high school to hide. Once we were all in the school it became apparent that we’d been taken hostage by aliens. The aliens were human-looking and wore black uniforms.

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Bees in Grandparents’ House

June 30, 1998

I walked to my grandparents’ land and I was surprised to see that the house and shed were still standing, pretty much exactly as I remembered it. I saw the neighbour’s youngest son coming out of the shed with some tools. He was fixing some of my oldest son’s baby toys – I remember a sleigh. The thought occurred to me that the neighbours were feeling guilty about the demolition and had decided to restore everything to their original state. I asked him what he was doing and he said something about having a baby so I congratulated him. He said, “F*ck you,” and I said, “What do you mean f*ck you?” He replied that his daughter was already born and that she was 15 years old.

I went to the house and the back door was missing. I saw a lot of bees; one bee was hanging on a string (like a spider web) in the doorway preparing to make a nest. All around there were construction people working. One of them was the neighbour’s older son.

They had put in a basement and I went to see. There was an old cupboard and inside I found a complete collection of antique glass bottles in all shapes, colours and sizes. I also found a matching set of wine goblets with my grandparents’ names inscribed on them – it had been a wedding present. On a tray I found angel pins and I told my mom that I now knew where all our pins had been going. (In waking reality, at the time, we had misplaced a lot of those.) In a cassette player I found a tape and played it – it was ABBA.

I saw my grandmother (I don’t know if in the dream she was deceased or still alive.) She was wearing a beautiful pink dress, her hair was set and she looked very nice. There was a Jewish man present; he was helping with the renovations, like he was the man responsible for the restoration.

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Shaquille O’Neal and Stephen Hawkins

July 4, 1998

My mom, my best friend and I took a cab down a dirt road to a school. The school was hosting an event. There are famous guests in almost every classroom. We had heard that Shaquille O’Neal was going to make a surprise visit. My best friend and I searched the hallways to find O’Neal so we can get an autograph. Finally we think about going to the gym. A list showed that O’Neal was going to be at room 20 but at room 19 I saw that Stephen Hawkins was going to play cards with grade school children. I preferred to meet Hawkins and so I set about finding the classroom. I remembered that there was a teacher there named Mrs. Hawkins and thought we would find Stephen there. We passed her class three times and still I didn’t find Hawkins. Later we found out that he had decided not to attend, he didn’t like playing cards.

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Scribner is a Lawyer

July 16, 1998

I had witnessed a murder. I had been at the arena with some friends under a big tent. One of the women had just split up from her husband and I saw him with a gun. He began following her and I hid behind parked cars and followed along. Suddenly he was in front of her and aimed the gun at her abdomen. She yelled, “Go ahead shoot me; it’s better than living like this.” He shot her. I ran and called the District (Crown) Attorney. The D.A. was a woman but it was a man who answered the phone. I explained that I had witnessed a murder and that I would have to testify that afternoon, it was a Monday. When I go to the office I noticed something fishy was going on. The man I’d talked to was actually the defence lawyer. I was worried that my testimony wouldn’t count because I had spoken to him. Then Avidor Scribner showed up – he was a lawyer. He was in his 40’s, had a large face, and curly brown hair. He looked at me and I knew he knew what had transpired but he gave me a reassuring look. I knew then that everything would be okay.

Dreams 6

2006-07-29T09:53:00.000-04:00

June Eleventh

June 11, 1998

I was recording events (and dreams) in a diary and I wrote the date: June 11, 1887. As I was writing this date I woke up within the dream (I was still within a dream) my husband noticed the date and he told me that I had written the wrong year so I crossed it out and wrote June 11, 1987 but I realized it was 1997. (Somewhere inside I knew it was 1998.) I was recording an event that had occurred 6 or 7 days earlier on June 17 or 18th.
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Dr. Bell, Mr. Lemon and the Governor

June 11, 1998

I had spoken to a friend named Mr. Lemon, who worked for a top secret government organization in the legal (Justice) department. I asked him to ask his friend in the medical department to prescribe something for my mother. This medication was difficult to come by. He referred me to the doctor and I was on my way to his office when someone approached me from behind and covered the name of the doctor; Dr. Bell, on the large brown envelope I was carrying. He told me his name should be kept hidden, it was highly confidential.

I found my way back to Mr. Lemon’s office but he was on his way out to a private meeting and Dr. Bell came to meet him. I was afraid of Dr. Bell. Then a man in a highly decorated uniform walked in. Everyone stepped aside to let him through; he was a governor or a general. He wore a black uniform with a white banner crosswise over his shoulder (like pageant banners,) white epaulettes, long boots with tassels attached to them, a large hat (like Napoleon’s hat,) and he was covered in medals. He also wore gloves and he had a sheathed sword on his right hip. He was greeting the familiar faces. When he saw me he gently took my right hand and said, “Enchanté,” and kissed the top of my hand. I smiled nervously and sort of bowed. He didn’t let go of my hand as he walked on a stage and as he climbed the stairs my hand was raised above my head. Then The Governor (as people called him) motioned for me to look up. I looked around and noticed that everyone had their hands raised and they were shouting something. The Governor let go of my hand buy I kept it raised, like the others. I didn’t shout anything but I kept thinking about the Nazi salute and wondering if that is what I was doing and I felt like a hypocrite and a traitor for not lowering my hand out of ignorance and fear.

Later I was at a friend’s house talking about her new place. She said she liked it but was lonely away from her grandchildren. We were just chatting when suddenly The Governor showed up with Dr. Bell. They wanted to interrogate me. The doctor wanted to kill me but The Governor stopped him. Then my friend Mr. Lemon showed up and I was hopeful but then I saw he was helpless. The Governor was polite but I detected sarcasm and felt like I was being coerced. I felt like I had been set up.
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Three Planets and the Moon

June 11, 1998

I was in the backyard with my husband and the sky was bright. It was daytime but the moon was visible in the Eastern hemisphere. (I saw the 3 planets again but they were not in the exact location as in the prior dream.) All 3 planets were larger than the full moon and in the daytime sky they appeared white. One planet was just below the moon, one was beside it towards the right, and the 3rd planet was below the one on the right. Further right there were many clouds and above these clouds were faster moving clouds.

Dreams 5

2006-07-29T08:49:00.000-04:00

Strange Brew Doppelganger

May 3, 1998

I was in our house but it was old and decrepit. I went upstairs and saw what first appeared as Pepsi creeping out from underneath my oldest son’s bedroom. Then I noticed there was some all over the place, on the walls, in the hall and on the floor. I called my husband to bring a mop. Then we noticed that it wasn’t Pepsi, it was a thick, golden-tan-like substance. We got scared and checked up on my son who was sleeping. We agreed that the house was haunted and that we were going to move out. Then I heard a whisper, “Doppelganger.”

(Note: I didn’t know, then, what Doppelganger was.)

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French Salon re: Canada

(Sometime between) May 4-14, 1998

I was at a motel in France. The “salon,” was having a political discussion over the Separation of Quebec in Canada. The consensus of the French (from France,) was how stupid Canadians were… that we had to wake up and re-organize our government. There was a man acting as Parizeau, someone else was acting as René Levesque, complete with impressions. In attendance there was also an athletic type of muscular build named Pierre Brennan who was very handsome. He was a contender or winner of an athletic event. I met one of my friend’s uncles there too and when I saw him I immediately thought, “Adonis.” He was cute, shy poetic but very thin and pale.

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Teniers Held in Manor by Willow Stick

May 24, 1998

I was told that Teniers was held in a manor by a willow stick, or he held a willow stick. Seems to me he was being held against his will – and he had been beaten. I don’t understand the willow – maybe it was a code name for something.

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Clinton Assassinates Chretien

June 3, 1998

President Clinton stated, “This war is about power. The power with the most weapons, most money and most people is going to win.” They were at an airport or airbase. President Clinton himself stood near the landing airplane with a shotgun in his hand. He was surrounded by his soldiers and he was wearing yellow coveralls and protective earphones. He turned and said that he would not be intimidated by the other armies and he said that he would shoot point blank at the first sign of action regardless if Prime Minister Chretien was in the way or not. Chretien was either preparing to board the just landed place or had just disembarked from it. Clinton gave a signal and a shot was heard, followed by a bombardment of shooting from both sides. Amid the chaos, Clinton aimed and shot Chretien in the back, it was a planned assassination.

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Fellini and Spiritual Books

June 3, 1998

I was visiting a large school. It was my birthday and I went in the basement to the library/gift shop. I went to the catalogue and searched under “F,” for Fellini or Filipé.” The library didn’t have anything by that author. I found some birthday cards and a book caught my eye. The jacket was white with gold lettering and the title contained “Spirit Within.” It was my 35th birthday and I was a member of a group. It was my duty to buy birthday cards for the members and being my birthday I picked my own card. I also bought a red or dark pink candle with white hearts that came with a SCRABBLE game – I already had a game but I thought to get the French version. As a member of the group I was only supposed to get a card so I paid for my gift with my own money.

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Secret Grad Party and Planets

May 31, 1998

“Sunday May 31, 1998 at 5:5x am

There is a secret grad party at my husband’s aunt’s place. Everyone sneaks in the basement. We prepared 21 beds. Three women arrive while I look for pop, I send them down but I run out saying (or singing,) “it’s on the Happy, Happy party.”

A few of us, looking outside (standing on a patio looking up,) see star formations clearly – Pegasus looked like a unicorn, another formation looked like a witch flying backwards on a broom. The stars were very bright and three huge planets formed a triangle, Jupiter – Mars – Venus. The planets were huge and very detectable (if stars are size of dimes then the planet size looked like kitchen tables.) Jupiter was amber-like and we could see part of a ring around it. All 3 planets were covered in a fog-like film. The sun and moon were both visible, like an eclipse had missed its mark, and they just barely touched where they should have been fully covered. Just as the sun was heading back it appeared as though a particle came off of it (smaller than dime in other reference.) The closer that this piece was coming towards us the bigger it became and it dragged fire behind it and left a trail of smoke. It exploded when it hit our atmosphere (or some x-sphere just before our atmosphere.) As it exploded all the shards turned to ice. (The effect was like while driving a car and something hits your windshield but it looked and felt like it was coming directly for you.) The wind was very strong outside and I felt safer in the basement.

Dreams 4

2006-07-28T22:17:00.000-04:00

Hand Print with Long Baby Finger

March 16, 1998

We went to visit my sister-in-law’s new house. They had just built a walkway in their garden. The path was lined with slabs of hardened sand and each tablet had hand prints on them. One caught my eye because the print had a baby finger longer than all the other fingers. My in-laws asked me if I recognized it but I didn’t. When they left, upset that I didn’t know whose it was, I looked under the tablet and saw on red silk, glowing in yellow light, my mother-in-law’s name. I was puzzled and wondered why her print was confused for mine and how we were connected?

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Coincidence in Religious Magazine

April 1/2, 1998

Someone had given me a copy of a religious (spiritual) magazine. I experienced 2 coincidences; 1. The woman who had asked a question was from the same town as me and her name was Labbé, and 2. Although her question was different than my current situation the answer solved my problem.

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Newspaper Clipping WWII Typhoon

April 5, 1998

I was cutting out clippings from newspapers. I had to give them to 5 (or so) people but I only had 3 newspapers. I clipped a two-page spread - it was an ad for a movie about WWII in 1943 and had “Typhoon” in the title. I also clipped a small article about senior dart tournament champions from a neighbouring town.

Mandalas 2

2006-07-28T15:59:00.000-04:00

In these two mandalas I incorporated the Hebrew letters that had been appearing in a series of dreams. These dreams involved initiations and rituals that I'd never heard of before. On one occasion I was painting using the same letters when I was interupted by the door bell. It was the delivery of a book on Kabbalah and I was astonished to see the same letters inscribed all over the cover of the book. Later I learned that the letters were the tetragrammaton.

Dreams 3

2006-07-28T12:06:00.000-04:00

Octagonal Box

December 21/22, 1997

I had to change a washer that connected between a metal tube and an octagonal box of flammable/toxic liquid. I had seen it done only once and now I was expected to handle it on my own. I proceeded to remove the old washer by closing the valve at the other end of the tube, and with a special tool, sealing the octagonal box. At this point I had no idea what I was supposed to do so I called the emergency number and asked for them to send the one on duty, who took care of these types of emergencies. The lady on the phone said that there was no one on duty, but I insisted she try to find her and send her over there. Then she said she could do that. I hung up the phone and returned to the machine. (This machine was used as a form of energy, it used radium, and/or oxygen, and/or hydrogen [or water.]) Just then the woman in charge appeared and continued the procedure, this time showing me step-by-step. Once the washer was back in place, the valve open again, and everything else sealed, the liquid in the glass-octagonal box began to bubble/boil. At this point the woman placed a dark tent over the box and we entered the tent. The liquid gave off light, like a pure light, silvery, very bright, but not hard on the eyes. The light would appear on the surface, one band at a time, and would follow the thoughts of the person handling it. In this case, the woman had all, except one band lit up, when her thoughts were distracted and all the lights fell back in the box. When the full box was illuminated (all bands lit up) you could ask questions, any questions (regarding the past, present or future,) and it would answer you.

Later, a woman who was in the hospital dying was hooked up to one of these machines and someone, or something, made love to her. This rejuvenated her. Through this method a woman was guaranteed a boy and this boy would be special and he would have red eyes. But the eyes would be masked and look like regular human eyes.

It seems there were two of these boys, alive and either a third boy on his way. The third one was being chased by some agency, or group, who had found out some of the facts, and they wanted to kill him, out of fear. So a team and I set about finding this third son and tried to protect him. (I’m not sure if the boy was born or if he was still in his mother’s womb.)

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Grandpa Alive but Blind

January 9, 1998

On my way to visit the Nursing Home I stopped and talked with friends from my old apartment. They were outside and I asked L., “Is it just me or is the Nursing Home smaller than before?” She agreed that it was smaller. I continued to the Nursing home. When I got there the Nursing Home was normal (as it is now) but it still bugged me that I remembered it being a bigger place and more like a hospital. (Here, within the dream, I had memories of a Nursing Home dream where the Nursing Home was different than in actuality.) (Dream memory,) I remember visiting my grandmother in this dream, although she was dead, and seeing my grandfather who was extremely old and had become blind. Everyone had either forgotten that my grandparents were alive or they just actually believed that they were dead all along.

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Bought the Church

February 15/16, 1998

I had bought the Church in my neighbourhood and I was converting it into a learning centre for spirituality. I was looking for someone to design the stained glass windows. Later, in this dream, I found out I was pregnant and I was going for some tests to confirm this.

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Drunk Mom Visits University

February 19, 1998

I was in school (university) and a woman came in, disciplining the class. It turns out it was my mother and she was drunk. Mrs. C. had dropped a picture frame that held a photo of her and her husband. The frame had cracked and this was enough to bring her to tears.

Then I went to a theatre in a school; after the show the school was practically empty. M. was angry with his girlfriend, who just happened to be with me at the time. He locked me in the theatre and wanted me to get the 2 books his girlfriend had taken from him. I found the 2 books and we were about to leave when his girlfriend gave me a socket (made) of heavy metal and she expected me to hit M. over the head with it.

(Later,) I was laying down on the grass looking up in the sky when a message or pattern rather began to appear. The pattern was created of star-like lights in the dark sky. Someone said it was “the wave of the future,” and that in the next couple of weeks anyone would be able to send messages across the sky to anyone in the world.

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Dreams 2

2006-07-27T08:33:00.000-04:00

Spanish Lessons

October 18, 1997

I was in a house and there was a couple there and they were learning what appeared to be Spanish. They said a few phrases and I tried to guess what they meant, then the husband said, “Buenos Diaz (Dias)” so I repeated and he appeared surprised. Later I was in another room (hallway or bathroom) and I was looking through their lesson books. One phrase that I remembered was Sitar Dyia.

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Avidor Scribner

October 26, 1997

I had a dream within a dream. When I awoke from the deeper dream I couldn’t remember the deeper dream but I did remember having written it somewhere. In the regular dream I was sitting at the foot of the stairs (in my then current apartment,) when my right hand got really hot. I looked at my hand and there I had written a name and address from my deeper dream. When I awoke completely I remembered the name: Avidor Scribner; but the address was something along the lines of: 4 Ruins… In this regular dream I was aware that I was dreaming and went to a low-housing district; I was walking with my son D., it was dark out except for the street lights. There were some derogatory remarks painted on the pavement and a young couple walking behind us. I was a little bit scared, but not of the couple, or for us, but afraid for the couple (their safety.) They had never been in this neighbourhood and could be vulnerable to the gangs. I hurried home, or my mother’s house (I’m not sure whose place it was,) but she wasn’t there. There was some people there and a note on the table for me. My mother had left me a note saying that she had left a two dollar bill on the table and to help myself to supper. I was looking for the two dollar bill when a girl told me she had taken it and had replaced it with a check. So I took the check, without verifying the amount, and stuck it in my purse. There were all kinds of food on the table, mostly Italian dishes, but a few Chinese items (chicken balls and fried rice.) An old man, (in my dream he was my grandfather, and although he may have resembled him slightly, it wasn’t my grandfather,) asked me to get some cheese, like I always did, to put on the pasta dish. I went in the cupboard, that was filled with food, and got some canned parmesan, then I changed my mind and grated some fresh cheese (mozzarella and another white but firm cheese.) The rest is hazy, until I find myself on the stairs with the message in my hand.

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Alpha and Beta

December 10/11, 1997

Alpha was the female spirit and Beta was the male spirit. Alpha and Beta were slipping in and out of the human consciousness of some of the characters in my dream. Beta became enthralled in his character and thought that the female character, which Alpha was associated with, had fallen off a cliff. Beta, now totally entwined with the male character, jumped off the cliff, not being able to bear a life without Alpha. (Beta, in his humanistic male form committed suicide.) The female character that Alpha embodied was shocked by the male’s death and decided to commit suicide herself. Alpha retreated from the female’s body and watched her die. Alpha is then seated alone, in a sort of mourning ritual, in an apartment, contemplating the events that had just taken place. She decided that her presence had somehow caused the destructive behaviour of humans and decided to hide deep within the heart of the female, to be found only by the enlightened.

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The Mandala

2006-07-26T12:49:00.000-04:00

Mandala is the Sanskrit word for circle. Carl G. Jung, who mapped the psyche, was fascinated with the mandala. When first deciding to make your own path it is frightening and difficult for anyone and leaves you vulnerable, this is where Jung was when he discovered the value of mandalas. Every morning he sketched a circular drawing and he found that the drawing corresponded to his inner situation on a daily basis (Jung, Carl. “Confrontation with the Unconscious,” in Memories, Dreams, Reflections, pp 170-199.) Here is what Jung wrote of his own experiences with mandala drawing,

My mandalas were cryptograms concerning the state of the self which were
presented to me anew each day. In them I saw the self—that is, my whole
being—actively at work. To be sure, at first I could only dimly understand
them; but they seemed to me highly significant, and I guarded them like precious
pearls. I had the distinct feeling that they were something central, and
in time I acquired through them a living conception of the self. The self,
I thought, was like the monad which I am, and which is my world. The
mandala represents this monad, and corresponds to the microcosmic nature of the
psyche. (Pp 196)

For Carl Jung then, mandalas were expressions from the self. As Jung discovered, it is important to not set a goal while exploring the self. I would explain it this way, if I set myself a goal to find the artist in me, then I might not encounter the mother in me, or the inner child. Am I looking for a me that I already know? If I am busy looking for the me that I expect to find, then the self will elude me again. As Jung wrote, it is important to let us, “be carried along by the current, (pp 196).”

Another definition of the mandala is

A place where inner world, called the Self, and the outer world, called the
Universe, get together in your body. The mandala is your body, which represents
the entire universe. [It is,] the union or harmony of self and the universe,
inner world and outer world.

("Microcosmic symbol of the universe
and of the collective consciousness"--definition by Jung and Eliade) [Edited for
mistakes.]
Comment to author: miyash@sils.umich.edu
Revised:
November 3, 1996
URL: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~miyash/mandalathoery.html

Or, put another way:

If you’ve ever kept a photograph of your loved ones or looked at yourself in a mirror, then Michael Brown would say that these are ways of remaining connected to our loved ones. Furthermore, he would say that what we were seeing reflected in mirrors or photographs were views or images of the outside world. Mandalas are reflections too; they reflect our inner self, the inner workings of our psyche or soul. Brown writes,

… Mandalas can help us see what is going on within us, in our heart and
soul. They can help us remain connected to our Selves in fundamental ways and
can help us understand the meaning of important life experiences when we learn
how to create and interpret them. [And] …when we begin to take all of ourselves
into account, when we begin to honor and balance the dynamic forces within us,
we can act in the world in ways that honor our essential wholeness, get our
needs met, and allow us to share with others the very best within us.
(MANDALA SYMBOLISM (Reprinted from Coastal Pathways, Volume 3, No. 6,
July, 1991, Virginia Beach, Va) http://www.michaelbrown.org/html/mandala_symbolism.html)

Following is a progression of the mandalas I sketched beginning with my first one from 1998.

Note in reply to Bernie's comment I thought to include my 11 year old son's anime art work:

Mandalas

2006-07-26T12:40:00.000-04:00

To show the progression I have decided to post my very first mandala:
This next mandala is after a couple of weeks:
This mandala came about from a dream vision of a tiny woman who used to lock herself in a cage in order to develop her creativity, her name was "The Golden One."

Contemplation

2006-07-25T18:52:00.000-04:00

20 Cartier

The little humble house at 20 Cartier, the home of my grandparents, I remember so well. I’ve been receiving inner nudges to reflect upon this memory.

In 1986, my grandfather was then 80 years old, the roof needed redoing. His health had been failing him in the last two years. He had lost a lung to TB when he was a child yet he had persevered. He was a small man but very agile and in that very house’s backyard he performed his last cartwheel at 76. He was teaching me. The decision was made to place grandpa in long term care.

The neighbours got together and signed a petition stating that my grandparents’ house needed fixing or demolition. “Safety,” they cited as their main concern. “The house,” they said, “was not fit for an old woman to live in.” When my mom and my aunt had exhausted all avenues of potential funding the town sent their ultimatum, “demolish or we will.” It is funny however that at each town meeting we attended “safety,” never came up, it was always “depreciation of our (the neighbour’s) property,” that took precedence.

My grandfather told me stories about the days before the fire department and about all the neighbours running with pails of water to extinguish a fire down the street. He related how when the fire got out of hand and the house had been destroyed the neighbours had gotten together to help rebuild it. “How much did you get paid grandpa,” I asked. “Nothing,” he countered, “we did it out of the charity of our hearts.”

My grandfather was quite the story teller. Children from all over the neighbourhood gathered at his feet by his lawn chair to hear him speak of the “old days.” He also had scary ghost stories from the East Coast. Grandma would come out with a pitcher of juice and a plate of homemade cookies to keep us refreshed. Sometimes grandpa would pull out his fiddle and accompany grandma’s singing. If the weather got inclement then everyone moved into the living room and more plates of treats would come out. The coffee table would be moved out of the way to make room for jigging and tapping feet.

The town volunteered to demolish the house, for a price. The cost of demolishing was roughly the same as the cost for fixing the roof. “Not to worry,” they said, “we’ll take payments.” An old friend of the family came to the rescue and offered to help.

I remember winter nights in front of the old television set. It was freezing outside, 4 foot snow banks lined the street, but it was warm in that living room. There was a Stompin’ Tom Connors special on TV and grandpa said he met him in Timmins. The story was that my uncle, who lived and mined in Timmins did as most miners did to relieve the stress, he would hang out at the Maple Leaf Hotel and that is where he met Stompin Tom with his plank of wood - used for stomping of course. Story was that on one occasion the party wound up at my uncle’s house and my grandfather played the fiddle for Tom. I had the “Tragedy Trail” album and would sing and cry the words to all his songs. This album was particularly meaningful for our family because it spoke about the North we lived in. I always liked the way Stompin’ Tom could get into the root of things and I secretly fantasized that one day he would write about my grandparents. I guess it would be a second Tragedy album.

In hindsight I see that the loss of my grandparents was a tragedy, of course there’s personal loss, but the insight I gleamed was that their death coincided with the death of a way of life.

Ode to my Grandparents

Grandparents what ocean have you
crossed
Your message so surely would be lost
If not for your choice of
channel
Upon the heart’s mantel

Grandparents of the
land
Gently you took my hand
We walked on water far and away
To reach
the break of day

Grandparents of the night
Show forth your
light
Afraid of the dark I pray
A reunion at the end of the
day

“Grandpa,” pull out your fiddle
“Grandma,” sing me a
riddle
Sing me to sleep tonight
I’m afraid things aren’t
right

“Grandpa,” so tall and strong
Tell them they are
wrong
The land you tilled now wastes
For the sake of popular
tastes

“Grandma,” so gentle and wise
Show them the way of their
lies
The warmth you carefully cultivated
Today is ridiculed and now is
abdicated

Grandparents please unite once more
The world needs
peace, not war

When we were stalling, unable to decide about demolishing the family home, (a decision that had already been made by someone else,) we were still coming to terms with it all, a proposition was made to sweeten the deal. The social services program in our area would buy the land on the condition that the house was demolished. The land would be used to build a house for mentally challenged individuals. Grandpa always said that the mentally challenged were such a peaceful lot and that they were guaranteed a place in heaven. It was the breaking point, we signed the papers.

Murphy’s ghost! Or was it, “Le Siffleur a Moreau?” Grandpa had many ghost stories but I was a scared-y cat and so grandma would stop him from telling me the real horrific ones. What I remember well though is that he said that when he crossed over he would come back like old Mrs. So-and-so whose chair rocked after she died. He would play his fiddle, he said, in the little humble house at 20 Cartier.

Grandpa never knew that the house was demolished. He was living at the nursing home at the time. Grandpa never knew that when social services had went public with their plans of building a home for the mentally challenged at 20 Cartier, that the neighbours once again signed a petition. This petition claimed that “they were afraid of the implications of having mental patients as neighbours.” Grandpa never knew that the land that once held his home was abandoned and for sale.

I was thinking about how my grandfather never knew about the demolition of his house and I realized that although I knew about it I didn’t witness the demolition. I had to play the film within to witness it with my inner eyes.
I saw the neighbours with their axes and chainsaws.
I saw them take a first swing, then another and another.
With each blow I felt a deep ache within my heart.
It wasn’t a house they were demolishing, it was a way of life, it was a home with a soul. This home had been a refuge for the weary, the seekers and the pioneers of life. This home had been a center of learning and love and a benchmark of values. As the last of the house succumbed to the will of the demolitionists I was in tears and wrote the following letter to my grandfather in his native tongue.

Lettre a mon grand-père

Pepére, je vais planter un arbre sur ton lot, la ou ta maison étais situé. Depuis les voisins l’ont détruit il y manque la vie. En plus les voisins semblent vouloir arracher tout ce qui reste, « couper l’herbe, enlever les buissons » ils crient. Je refuse enlever la vie Pepére, au contraire, il faudra la réanimé. Alors je vais planter un arbre sur ton lot. Et il grandira juste qu’au ciel. Et j’y grimperais pour te retrouver. Pepére tu pourras peut-être venir a ma rencontre, a mi-chemin? J’ai peur. Je suis tellement seul. Mémére, elle est là avec toi? Je l’entends parfois chanter et toi tu l’accompagnes avec ton violon. Mon père, il est aller visiter? Il faudra que vous gardiez vos instruments bien accorder, toi et lui, pour que tous soient près pour la grande célébration quand enfin ont seras tous réunis de nouveau. Je t’aime Pepére. Je vous aiment tous, fais sur de passer mes saluts, mes caresses et mon amour a tous. En attendant si tu peux veiller sur le petit arbre que je vais planter sur ton lot. A la prochaine.

Ta petite fille, la fille a « poppa »

(Note : I find that a translation of the above loses its emotional value.)

Now I wonder: where does grandpa play his fiddle? Where does grandma sing?

I’ll bet there are still lots of children gathered at their feet.

I find solace in Chief Seattle’s famous words,

"But how can you buy or sell the sky? The land? The idea is strange
to us… If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us,
that the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports. The wind
that gave our grandfather his first breath also receives his last sigh.
The wind also gives our children the spirit of life… This we know:
the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are
connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of
life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to
himself… (Will there be any of the spirit of my people left?)… We
love this earth as a newborn loves its mother’s heartbeat. So if we sell
you our land, love it as we have loved it… Hold in your mind the memory of
the land as it is when you receive it. Preserve the land for all children and
love it, as God loves us all. "

(Qtd in, The Power of Myth (1988) page 34, by Joseph Campbell with Bill Moyers.)

Vision / Experience

2006-07-22T10:30:00.000-04:00

Struck by Lightning

June 11, 1997

The house we were in was struck by lightning. I was in a back room with D. my youngest son. I’d just finished changing his diaper when suddenly I heard a humming sound and the air felt thick. It felt like time stood still. I felt like the hair on my body was being lifted, like gravity had let go and then the room was bathed in a golden light. I didn’t know what was happening so I held D. to my chest and gently rocked him. Then I heard the loud cracking noise and the light had disappeared.

Somehow this experience seems related to further experiences of light which I will post later.

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Out of Body Experiences OOBE's

October 12, 1997

I write in my journal about my OOBE’s. In my journal I refer to these experiences as “entering my spirit body.” I go on to explain that this body “feels just like my real body except it is very light and flexible.” I describe two past experiences. One in France where I am a regular at a library and I was leafing through a book called, “The Mysteries of Shaman Sex,” or “The Mysteries of Shaman Sects.” (The book is yellow with blue writing.) The other experience I write that I was traveling through a dark area where I saw eyes and faces. Finally, “I saw a face that looked a lot like the drawings of aliens by alleged abductees. Through the eyes of the alien being I saw a room.” The room was dark and when my eyes adjusted I realized I was in what appeared to be a monk’s cell and a man sat before me behind a wooden desk. There were no lights in the room but the monk’s face glowed. He had long curly hair, a pale face and prominent cheek bones. Then he began to speak inside me. (I could hear him within myself.) In my journal I describe this inner voice, it is a common experience, and I describe it as, “sort of like the voice is penetrating my body and being understood at the core of my spirit.” Then he tells me that I am being shown the 24th principle. (Later I was mistakenly referring to this as the 42nd principle.) He taught me how to read in the dark. He showed me books in the dark and at first I could only see by the glow of his face, but then suddenly my perception changed and I could see from the inside – from within me. (I remember thinking, “this is what was meant in the Bible by ‘for those who have eyes…’”)

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Dream

2006-07-20T14:35:00.000-04:00

5:30 am, September 8, 1996

Man from the River Jordan

“The man from the River Jordan,” someone said. A group of guides visited us at home while I was conducting an experiment. The experiment involved changing light into matter (not sure of procedure.) Then the group appeared. As I was experimenting a cat ran across the lawn and I was afraid I would transform the cat – but realized that it was impossible because the cat was black and couldn’t absorb (sic) light. The experiment created something shiny, such as silver or a piece of silver jewellery. My husband G. was acting sceptic but really he was afraid, but the guides wanted to talk to him.

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July 1997

Noah

Dreamt I went or taught a class in a school that the pope attended. My husband G. was Noel or Noah, he was physically disabled but the townspeople said he was possessed / simple / grotesque. (He had a cleft palate.) It was a difficult relationship (because of the people) but I loved him so much and he loved me too. One day I came from the school only to find he had been killed. Every one said he died of natural causes but I knew he had been murdered. After he died I felt so alone, so lonely. I would sit and read his works – he wrote glorious poetry. One day I was sitting on the floor crying out his name, begging him to come back, and then I looked up in front of me in a bookshelf and saw his favourite pen set (one I had bought him) with fancy plumes. (It contained 2 pens, an ink well, extra tips/nibs and a wooden tray.) Somehow seeing that, I must have noticed evidence of murder. I started investigating, I searched the house, and then I looked at school. At a neighbouring school, without affiliation with my school, I discovered that my colleagues were bitter with me; it seemed that they felt I was the Pope’s favourite. Eventually someone tried to kill me – because I must have been close to discovering the murderer and solving the murder. Sometime during all of this I received a “Thank You,” note from the parents of Noah (somehow connected with the Cyr family.) There was something suspicious in the writing (the writing was in calligraphy) like there was a hidden meaning (code.) I was brought before the Pope for a special ceremony – something only a select few were chosen, and rarely women. I was part of a secret society (not sure if Pope was in this society or it was 2 separate groups.) While I was grieving a voice told me to remember the lessons we had been taught (from the secret society) and I was instantly transported to a beautiful country side, in a valley of low rolling hills. There I saw Noah (G.,) he was no longer disfigured, he was all glowing, all around his body was a glowing light, the colour of silver like lightning but soft on the eyes. I realized that the whole valley was glowing – including me. Noah (G.,) said, “Remember this place. You are welcome here anytime,” then he continued to talk about the teachings (which unfortunately I went on to forget upon awaking.)

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July 18, 1997

Merlin

I was handed two books – one having to do with Merlin, and the other was titled, “The Inner Spirit.” The latter was glowing; it was a white book and was glowing red. When I held the book the edges seemed to be emitting red thread-like lights which caused the glowing. I was in a state of awe and debating if I should accept this book.

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July 26, 1997

Possessed by Grandpa

(Note: This dream was very vivid.)

I was at my maternal grandparents’ house and walking towards the back door on the wooden sidewalk. In the back, beside the stairs, I saw grandpa’s blue lawn chair. Just as I was going to climb the stairs I noticed a white mist of smoke just above grandpa’s chair. I knew it was him, (in my dream he had recently died.) I sat in his chair and basked in this smoke. Grandpa’s soul was entering my body and I understood what he was saying – without any words being actually said. For an instant, I felt as though he was working through me, I felt my hands widen, although physically they were not transformed. I was him – in a strange way – and yet, still me. Then I walked to the mailbox, my grandma came to see me, I was taking the mail out and handing it to her. There was a bundle of letters, wrapped with an elastic, and a bunch of nail polish samples. Sometime as I was getting the mail – my grandpa had disappeared.

Notes attached to this dream:

When I first saw the smoke I thought it was my grandfather’s pipe but then realized it was him. I breathed in the smoke to let him in. Telepathically he communicated to me that he wanted to see my grandmother one more time and so through me he was able to see her, and experience her. While standing at the mailbox with my grandmother I felt my grandfather communicated with her. In the dream he had just died; a matter of days. In waking reality he did have his favourite lawn chair and in the dream I had suggested that we keep it, and like he had been known to do, to move it in relation to the sun so as to keep it in the shade. After he had communicated with my grandmother he slowly left my body and I felt warm and at peace.